Struggling..

[HunkyDory]

I went no contact (detail removed by moderator) ago after a conversation with him asking (detail removed by moderator) – not to live with me but a friend. I said it’s not possible because if our marriage has broken down I have to inform the home office which I did. He said other people have done it, but those other people weren’t abusive (as far as I know) or have children here which sometimes allows them to stay or they’ve been here years and have a UK passport.After the call I messaged him to say I was blocking him and wouldn’t be able to see his calls and messages. So for (detail removed by moderator) I’ve felt ok having no contact. I woke up really positive this morning after a very powerful dream that reinforced my thinking I’m doing the right thing. Then… I went into the little room that has “his” computer in it and discovered he’s still logged in. I looked at his messages. I know it’s wrong. After I’d blocked him he’d messaged me saying (detail removed by moderator) Now I know I’m going to keep going back to see if he’s contacted me. Whilst it’s wrong, It’s giving me peace of mind that he’s still over there and not traveling back here. I wish he’d just accept its over. I’ve been as clear as I can be. If I log out I know I will log back in because I probably could guess his password. Now that is controlling behavior isn’t it? And it makes me feel like s*** but I need to know now if he’s contacting me. Mixed up and fed up. Thanks for listening x*x

[HopeLifeJoy]

Hi HunkyDory

Nono it is not controlling behaviour on your part, his account was there open and accessible so you checked it for your own safety to be able to stay a step ahead of him and in order to keep yourself safe. I totally get it.
Now be careful not get tempted to check again and again…and again…this isn’t healthy for you in the long run. Make a decision when you’ll log out if his account to not log back on.
Make sure you are safe, keep going with claiming back your freedom through official channels. Make sure your finances are yours, unaccessible to him.
If you are able to guess so easily his passwords, the same might be true vice versa so take the safety measure to reset ALL your passwords, remove any admin rights you’v ever authorised him over your accounts AND reset your safe phrases/questions to something he isn’t able to guess or haven’t told him.

Keep safe and keep posting and well done for going no contact 😌
💕🌸

[HunkyDory]

Thank you for replying HLJ. I’m going to try. I think because I’m not sure if the HO have cancelled his visa that is unsettling me. I contacted the police who said if he turns up dial 999. There’s no way of contacting the HO for an update so I’m in limbo. Thanks for the advice on changing passwords, I’ll do that now. I think sometimes I’m overreacting and still feel so sad for him having to stay there but he left me with no choice – he was never going to change. Just feel empty. Xx

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