Struggling

[Robin]

I feel lost right now. (Detail removed by moderator) I said his swearing at me in front of the children had to stop. He kind of laughed in a exasperated way and said he wasn’t sure he could do it.

He asked me to (detail removed by moderator) the other night and I jokingly continued. he got mad at this and I responded by reminding him that he doesn’t do what I ask him to do (stop swearing) but he expects it of me immediately he told me to f off in several different ways.

(Detail removed by moderator) I said that my intention was to do this but in the background I’ve been looking into alternatives and thinking about moving back to my family (detail removed by moderator). But I’m worried I won’t like it there (it’s been so long since I lived there) that I wouldn’t see as much of my family as I think and that my son would suffer because he loves his current school.

I feel that it’s all such a mess. I wonder if I’m overreacting but I look back at what he’s said and his recent view that he wouldn’t stop and I keep asking myself why I’m putting up with it and I don’t need to. But then I get scared about being on my own and the impact on my boys. How do I overcome this?

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Robin,

Just wanted to show you some support. It is extremely hard dealing with all the changes we have to face when breaking free of these men. I liken it to a bomb being detonated in your life where you have to pick up all the pieces and figure out how to move forward.

The positives are that we are alive and that we have a chance to move forward into an abuse-free life where we get to decide how we want to live. I’m not sure on your situation whether you are still together with him or not but I hope your situation starts to improve.

I would say that you are not overreacting – nobody should have to deal with swearing and shouting, hypocrisy and general abuse. It is scary the thought of being alone but as a lot of ladies on here will tell you, it’s much better than a life of abuse. I am single again now and it’s daunting but at least I’m safe and can build a better life for myself and not have to deal with the chaos, fear and deception I’d have to deal with if I had stayed with my ex. Ring the helpline for support too if you haven’t already plus your local Domestic abuse team and keep posting on here.

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Its ok to feel scared, we all feel like that scared of change , call the helpline and get a support of agencies around you to help you. I toohad to pullmy son out of a school that he liked and you know what it took a while for him tomake new friends but he settled really well and has made him more confident. I thought i d hate relocating back to my hone town , but you know what you adapt and rebuild your life

[EeyoreNoMore]

Hey hun, please see if you can give the Helpline a call.

Leaving home and leaving town would be tough for you and your son. BUT: the upheaval of that compared to life with an abusive father is just no contest.

There’s a great report on the main WA site hat basically says a happy mummy makes for a happy child. Likewise a stressed and sad mummy makes for a stressed and sad child. I believe in you. I believe you will get free from your abuser, for the sake of your son.

[older lady]

I think, for me, focussing on the practical issues helps. I was certain I wanted to get out. I know what you mean, though, because I used to tell myself it wasn’t so bad, it would get better, I could cope…and so on. The truth was it was killing me inside. You’re afraid of jumping from the frying pan into the fire? My daughter’s father always told me that I was useless, stupid and couldn’t cope. I was slim, he said ‘eat more cake’, I ate cake, he said ‘you’re a pig’. Its very possible that the effects of being in an abusive relationship leaves you with low self-esteem and you don’t see how you will do this on your own, with your children, and noone can tell you what the future holds and guarantee that for you. Its the decision whether you can live in this situation, and whether its worth taking that chance to try to find something better for yourself. I would say see how you CAN AND WILL make it work for yourself. See how it will be and then act to bring that about. I’m sorry if this doesn’t help, its difficult to know what to say because what’s helpful for me might not be for you. Hope you are okay. I would just add though, please keep in mind about leaving safely, because of the possibility of the reaction. There is advice on this website and you can get advice if you ring Women’s Aid. xx

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