Struggling -aftermath

[Mellow]

I’m really struggling with the aftermath of the relationship I’ve not heard anyone go through similar so I’m finding it so hard to relate and get people to understand.
My ex lived a double life it became apparent after (detail removed by Moderator) that he was using me.
But things keep coming back to me which are obviously red flags I didn’t see at the time and carried on the relationship things such as having different womens pictures on his phone.texting women while he was (detail removed by Moderator) and spending several hours in there.using errands as an excuse to leave and meet with other women or call them he was doing this blatantly and even in front of kids he even invited a random woman round (detail removed by Moderator) a random stranger me and the kids did not know.i was always hidden from these women and they knew about me this is what’s hard to understand I used to say why can’t I meet your friends he would say that it was my fault and I’m not interested in knowing his friends which is untrue I wanted to know everything about him but it was all hidden .when I look back he is a womaniser but said I was his wife and wanted to marry me but I later found he had another wife after having his kids he is now fighting me for.i feel betrayed and let down as I feel this was my chance for a happy ending but he took it away from me and now I’ll have to put up with him my whole life.

[Lisa]

Hi Mellow,

Sorry you are struggling with the aftermath of your relationship, but know coming to terms and processing all that you have been through will take time.

Have you been made aware of the support service Bloom? You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma with them. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Also, you could try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200.

Having to go challenge your ex in court around child contact can be distressing, as you can see it’s all an extension of his abuse. The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child protection. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 (8am-6pm, Mon-Fri).

Family Rights Group advise parents, grandparents, relatives and friends about their rights and options when social workers or courts make decisions about their children’s welfare. They offer advice, advocacy and campaigns for families whose children are involved with or require social services care. They also provide helpful advice sheets on all aspects of dealing with social services. They are available on 0808 801 0366 (9.30am-3pm, Mon-Fri).

Use also your local domestic abuse service as you need, for further advice and support around all your concerns.

It’s difficult when you feel isolated in your experience and you don’t feel others understand what you have been through. Your experience may be unique, however certain elements to the abuse will feel very familiar to many women who can relate too. You are not alone.

Take care,

Lisa

[minimeerkat]

have just seen your post & wanted you to know that even though things werent exactly the same, there are many similarities in how it leaves you feeling. i also keep flashing back to things that obviously werent right – not knowing for sure if there were other women. so feeling the same in a way, used, deceived etc. the biggest thing for me to try & deal with was realizing the amount of lies that had been told. its horrible. can end up making you feel sick & in such a lot of emotional pain. all i knew was i couldnt continue living like it & be such a confused anxious wreck. i should think most on this forum have exactly the same difficulties recalling what were red flags that they didnt know were these at the time & then probably beating themselves up about it afterwards. things can go round & round in your head at times leaving it difficult to switch off. there are probably so many on this forum feeling deeply betrayed in one way or another which is devastating when done by someone you loved & trusted. i am very isolated here so its such a comfort in a way to know there are others out there somewhere having similar problems. dont let it fester inside you – keep talking about it to get it out. i am here to listen – we are all here to listen. so please do not feel alone in this. write it all down as well as thats a way of getting it out. sending you the biggest hug x

[Author]

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