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Hello, I got out of my abusive situation to a refuge but I feel unsafe there as well. The support workers don’t understand my needs and sometimes make not nice jokes or are dismissive. I speak up about it but when I did today I got shouted at which was very distressing and was told my disabilities were at fault for the communication issues. I asked my advocate for help but they say I am worrying too much.
I feel so scared at the refuge now and want to move somewhere safe but I have nowhere to go. From leaving a house where nobody understood me to now being in a refuge with support workers who don’t understand me and an advocate who thinks this okay makes me feel very trapped and alone.
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Hello Yuyu,
I’m sorry to hear that it feels your needs aren’t being met and you’re not feeling safe at the refuge. It might be helpful to contact the Women’s Aid Live Chat to talk about this a bit more and explore your options: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
I hope you’re feeling a little better this evening.
Lisa
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Dear Lisa,
Thank you for your message. Women’s Aid chat gave me good advice on submitting a complaint but sadly the charity is too smart and all messages are internally only passed back to the same staff who mistreat me. I also check the refuge register but I do not feel safe making an enquiry to them as I am scared they will mistreat me too or house me in worse care.
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I’m sorry to hear that. I (detail removed by moderator) as I wanted to use my lived experience to do something meaningful.
People who haven’t experienced abuse can sometimes seem flippant or dismissive and mental health issues like anxiety and depression can make it seem worse, like the world’s out to get you. But when someone tells you that, it’s not what you want to hear either!
Do you have something like a suggestions box or an email address where you can express your concerns and needs in a way that might be better for you?-
Thank you for your message. To be honest I see your point however, I have tried to communicate with them how I am feeling mentally and how certain things they have said has hurt me: jokes about my hair, sexuality, (detail removed by moderator) and dismissing my abuser contacting me has been some of the incidents so I don’t think my mental health is painting their behaviour as worse.
I have tried emailing their complaints and they have no suggestions box. Nobody is willing to hear my perspective on the treatment here and I have been shut down. My only other line of support doesn’t believe or get me either. Only external charities and my therapist as well as other external staff tell me that I am currently facing abuse at my refuge.
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Yuyu that’s sounds like a horrible experience!! Stay strong u r away from your abuser. Like Swanlake said only people u have been through it can relate to your situation. The people in the refuge are just doing a job for wage!!yuyu contact the advisors on ere they are wonderful. Make contact through here with other survivors they help me everyday when I’m feeling low. Stay strong xxxx
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Thank you @lostnalone it has been a really horrible experience indeed. Leaving abusers who told me I was too difficult to understand only then to meet support workers and advocate who treat me in the same way has been a nightmare.
Thanks for your advice I appreciate it a lot. And you’re right sadly to them it’s a job but to me it’s my life. Can’t let anybody mess with my life.
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I stayed at two refuges. They were so different. One short short term and I left. The other longer term. It is difficult when it is housing and you live with these people of see them regularly. I did also meet abusive workers who suddenly left.
There was nice ones too plus abusive people in share house. Keep going. Things will change
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