Struggling to cope

[Newbeginnings1234]

Sorry, it’s me being negative and depressing again, I probably sound like a broken record by now. It’s been nearly (detail removed by moderator) since I left and I don’t feel any better than I did before I left. The thing I’m struggling with the most is the constant questions I ask myself about why I didn’t get any support at the beginning. I feel like if I’d had the support that I needed then I wouldn’t feel like this now. Since going to a support group those feelings are even stronger after listening to other people’s experiences where they received loads of support and lots of measures were put in place to keep them safe, while I spent months calling the same organisations in tears, begging them to do anything to keep me safe and nobody did anything. I was referred to MARAC twice but nothing was done to keep me safe, leaving me feeling like everyone felt that my life just wasn’t worth trying to save. Although the people at the group were really nice and I felt that they were the only people who have been supportive, it only ran for quite a small number of sessions, so I only felt like I was starting to make any progress towards the last couple of sessions, but now it’s finished and I’m back to square one again. I’d got used to having somewhere to go and people to talk to, but now I’m back to being completely alone with nowhere to go and no one to talk to. Will I ever get over the constant reminders that no one was there for me when I needed them? I even have nightmares where I’m being attacked and everyone nearby just stands around watching and not doing anything to help. I’ll never forget how horrible it felt to be made to feel that nobody would care if my Husband killed me and I’m absolutely terrified to ever go out with anyone again in case I end up in another abusive relationship, because I know now that nobody would help me or do anything to keep me safe, so I would have no way out. I just thought that life would be so much better than this, but it’s worse than I ever imagined it would be. I’m also starting to miss my husband, which rarely happened before. I wish I’d just stayed, being miserable is better than being miserable and alone.

[fizzylem]

When the time comes, when you feel ready, you will protect yourself NB, you won’t let anyone in who is any less than kind and resepectful. Sadly we have learnt the hard way haven’t we, when we trust or committ too soon – I certainly will not be making that same mistake again – you?

As dreadful as it has been we can use these terrible experiences now to draw from in life. We have learnt that trust is grown – slowly over time, that we must take one step at a time and always feel ok with it and after each step; to never committ to anyone unless we feel and know in our minds also that this person can be trusted – is consistantly the same person, does not fly off the handle when angry. Anyone who shows me even an ounce of controlling behaviour nowadays – I’m off.

It sounds like you are spending a lot of time with your thoughts in the past. This is a sure fire way into depression. None of us can do a thing to change the past – accept this but use what happened for growth, what will you do differently next time? To ensure the same never happens again. What mistakes did you make? Anything you couldn’t see then that you can see now?

I would try to catch and stop myself from doing this, spending time in the past if I were you – unless you are supported in therapy. I’d be asking does it help me to go over this again? If the answer is yes then act and do what is needed, but if the answer is no then make a concious decision to put these thoughts back in the past – and distract yourself with something else; aknowledge this is not helping me – I need to do something that does.

This dreadful time is now over – it has gone, to adjust to life now – having this experience with us – we need to find ways to take from it postively.

I’m sorry to read you reached out and felt no one was there for you, but this does not mean if you were to do it again the same would happen, it also doesn’t mean that you might find yourself in this same situation again – if you learn how to better protect yourself and your world; learn how to implement personal boundaries. The only person any of us can really depend upon is the self – promise yourself this will not happen to me again, I will always respond to my thoughts and feelings – and meet my needs every moment of every day – because when we do it turns out pretty dam good x

[Newbeginnings1234]

Thank you, it’s hard to stop thinking about it when I’m reminded of it all the time, but I’ll try x

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