Struggling to move forward

[Zorg]

Hello,

My emotional abusive relationship ended a while ago but it still only feels like yesterday where I was living in fear and isolation.
I cant help but go through memories of the relationship in my head. When I am having bad days, like feeling really anxious or down, I automatically start to think about him and how he hurt me which then makes me feel even worse and I just cry, a lot. I don’t know whether I have anxiety because of the relationship or whether my low moods and anxiety makes me think of bad memories.
I also feel angry, sometimes worthless, and just lost. Like I am just a shadow of who I am meant to be. I don’t know how to stop feeling this.

[Lisa]

Hi Zorg,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be with others who understand.

I’m sorry to read how you’re feeling, however it is completely natural to feel like this after the trauma of abuse. Healing takes time and the recovery process has ups and downs.

If you haven’t had any counselling, now might be a useful time to consider it. You could talk to your local domestic abuse service to ask if they can refer you, talk to your GP or have a look at The Counselling Directory. If you are able to it’s preferable to have a counsellor who works in a trauma informed way.

You can also chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.

Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on, we have a lovely online community here where you’ll be able to learn a lot.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Hopefulgreyrock]

Hey. Yes I feel you. I felt this. I still feel elements of this. I think what you are feeling is completley natural. I went through the same thing of thinking am I doing this to myself and making It worse. Ruminating etc etc. People woukd offer advice. Do this, do that. But…Even though their advice might have been better and quicker. I found that I needed to go there. I needed to dwell, and feel it all. Figure it all out. I still do now. I still think of it and it affects me so much. Even tho i am meant to be over it now and don’t want to annoy people by bringing him up again. But i still have light bulb moments now where I am like “Oh, that’s why he said that!” Or maybe I get upset cos i dont know if he was lying abour this or that and I really will never ever know and have to be okay with that. I guess there is comfort knowing that this won’t always be the way. Here is you need to talk. Hope you felr better for off loading on here. I can see it was 5th October. How u feeling now?

[Zorg]

Hi ,
Thank you for your message, it is really comforting to know that we are not alone in all of this. I think things like this too. Thinking what was the truth and what was a lie. I don’t talk about it much to my friends and family because I feel the same as you, I don’t want to be annoying. But if I put myself in their shoes I know I would not be annoyed at me speaking about it. Also, it’s hard for them to know how to react because they don’t fully understand what you go through. Maybe I haven’t dwelled enough on it and really thought about how it has affected me. I am feeling better than I was but I am still going through a rough patch, but definitely feels better to off load. Thank you, I am here too if you need to talk. Hope you are doing ok

[Eyesopening]

So true hopefulgrey rock. We are processing all that happened after we leave. The confusion, the fog slowly lifts, our brains have to analyse then put things away properly before the memories can be actualy memories. I have PTSD and therapy for that was so so helpfull.
I find it comes in waves also, most the time I am ok now, but sometimes I will get a rough patch and things will all be really difficult. Then it will get better again.
You are definitly not alone. I think when we leave, we really see what damage has been done to us. We can only start healing then, and actually, we need alot of healing. xx

[older lady]

Hi, all.

I’m in the same boat, too. I met my (elderly) mother for a coffee recently (a rare event, indeed), and she confidently announced that my ‘problem’ in life is that I ‘overthink’ everything. She says that, because she doesn’t understand. I’ve had to overthink everything all the time because I’ve been in a state of high alert for the last two decades trying to predict and protect myself (and others) from abuse. One thing about the abuse was the constant state of confusion and unpredictability. I’m free now… and yet I feel disoriented, in a fog and lost at sea. I can’t keep drifting along like this. I know I must do something but I have no trust. Maybe that’s why all I can (and want to) do is hide away, in bed?

[Author]

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