Struggling with 4 kids and his behaviour

[WonderFall]

I first posted (detail removed by Moderator) ago, i never left him even after realising what he was doing was abusive. He changed for months, he was the man i fell in love with, great with our 3 kids, then i fell pregnant again, i never wanted another one and was on borth control, must have failed. But now we have 4, all under (detail removed by Moderator), which i wouldnt change now. Once i got pregnant he basically went back to his old self very slowly, so i didnt realise i was doing more and more until i had the baby ((detail removed by Moderator) old now) he now completely back to what he was before. And i hate it. I should never have stayed. Im beyond exhausted and fighting everyday to keep him calm and hide it from the kids. I do everything for everyone and he just does nothing but make me feel inadequate. The past (detail removed by Moderator) weeks hes been pestering me for sex, if i dont agree to it he just gives me the silent treatment until i do or He demands i kiss him and tell him i want it even if i dont, i tell him i dont want to do it and he sort of (detail removed by Moderator) and tell me to say it anyway. Its make me feel awful. Laying here putting our toddler to bed just now thinking about it all and just want to run away. But now im stuck with him, was hard enough to think about leaving with 3 kids let alone 4 now. Just needed to write this down to try to, i dont know, maybe clear my mind a bit i guess

[Lisa]

Hi WonderFall,

Welcome back to the forum, I’m glad that you’re using this space to clear your mind and hope the support of the other women here is helpful for you.

Abusers can be quite clever at noticing little things that might indicate their partner is close to leaving, they then change their behaviour back to acting the great partner and dad. This only lasts as long as they think it has to to keep their control. It can be incredibly difficult to leave an abuser, try to be kind to yourself about staying.

I know that you’re feeling stuck, but you can get support to help you leave if that’s what you want, you deserve to be free of his abuse and you don’t have to get there on your own. You can use our Live Chat service to speak with a Women’s Aid worker to talk through your options. They won’t tell you what to do but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. Your local domestic abuse service should be able to provide ongoing support regardless of whether you’re ready to leave or not. You might also like to contact Rape Crisis for some specialist support around the sexual abuse you’re experiencing.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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