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I feel terrible for trying to find somewhere to move to without my abuser knowing – it seems so stupid doesn’t it. The emotional/mental/reactive abuse is probably the worst and most common for me. The typical thing that all of our social circle think he is amazing – but they have no clue what he is like behind close doors.
But now, I have had a message from another woman, telling me he is sending inappropriate messages from her – something that he has done before – exactly the same content as before.
I am angry – but I can’t seem to confront him about it. I feel like I am walking on eggshells when he is around me, he is more like the demon headmaster than a loving husband/partner.
He no longer works, so he is even more of a nightmare than before. I need to get out – but I feel so trapped! -
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its amazing how we actually end up feeling guilty ourselves isnt it when the reality is its not our guilt (or shame). this can be a result of just how severely we have been manipulated
it must have been so painful receiving that message & yet feeling unable to confront your partner – which can be due to how controlled youve been & how fearful you are of the consequences – its very common to lose your voice in these relationships
and theres everyone else thinking how lucky you are to have such a wonderful partner! which really messes with your head when they are a monster behind closed doors
but keep trying if you can to focus on the truth of who your partner really is no matter how many others have been duped. its this truth that will help you to stay strong
has it been possible for you to be in touch with your local da service at all for support at the moment or do you at least have family & friends you can turn to
you are looking for somewhere else to live for a reason so you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty at all – you need to do whatever you can to feel safe which is the most important thing in the world x -
I don’t think it’s stupid at all. Like you I’ve feeling so much guilt ever since I’ve reached out to WA and other places and slowly planning my escape. This feeling of “doing something behind his back” is unbearable, especially when the husband is in a “nice phase” and being pleasant. I am so sorry to hear what’s happening, I don’t have any wise words to say but I’m gonna share a quote from a book by Lundy Bancroft called Daily Wisdom for Why does he do that? – “I am standing up for myself, even if it’s in ways that he can’t see. And I’m going to keep doing so, and do it more.” Keep posting, sending love xx
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