Stupid Question

[Anonymous]

I know it’s a stupid question, but how can someone who seemed so lovely and whom you loved so much, turn against you so completely?

I gave up my City career and beautiful home to build a life with him here in the country and now I’m here all alone, wondering how it all went so wrong 🙁

[Anonymous]

I know I can’t, but every single day I want to call him and beg him to come home 🙁

[Iwantmeback]

Landy, it’s not a stupid question,not one bit. You’re living in exactly where my OH and I want to be by the sounds of it. I’m scared to go there now, scared I’ll be more remote, not see family at all. Scared his abuse will escalate, no one around to hear me. He’s stolen my dream from me.
I found the perfect house down in the borders, the location just wasn’t where i wanted to be. I’m working to having my dream, just not with him in it now, maybe not as remote as he wanted.
Sometimes our dreams dont have everything or people in them we dreamt of, when they become reality. If you love where you are, feel safe where you are, but are just missing the nice guy, you’ll be okay. I truly hope those feelings will pass for you. I’m not away yet, at the moment i dont think id miss him, certainly not the abuse, the walking on eggshells, the threats, etc. But I’m not away yet, who knows what tricks my mind/ memory will play on me.
You’ve done so well, achieved so much, it’s the hardest road to travel, but you’re getting there.
Love and kindest
IWMB 💕💕

[HopeLifeJoy]

It’s not a stupid question at all, it’s probably the question we are all asking ourselves the most. Because it is so unbelievable how things turned out.
The sweet/sour treatment IS the abuse. All they want is power and control over us, over our lives. We wanted to share our lives and dreams with them. They are not interested in sharing, they want to take over what’s ours but we couldn’t see that because who on earth does that?!
Abuse is not just the bad treatment.
It is so dangerous because that sweet/sour treatment is what causes the trauma bond that is so hard to break. It is chemicals that makes us bond with him. Oxytocin. That’s why it feels like getting off drugs cold turkey when we separate from them, we miss the bond, which is absolutely not the same as love.
The bond we had/have with abusers is toxic, unhealthy.
Love is healthy and helps us be independent and strong and loving and kind with each other.

@Landy, Do you have the possibility to move back in the city and get back into your career?

[KIP.]

He is simply not the person you thought he was. In reality he is a selfish, self serving predator. He saw you as a victim and didn’t mind trying to destroy you for his own gain. It’s painful to accept this which is why we live in denial for so long.

[Rebirthaftertrauma]

You are not alone. This is something I’m struggling with – the flip from love to wanting to destroy me (during relationship and even now it’s over) My head knows he is a narcissit, an abuser and wore a mask (his love, promises etc, red flags from beginning, his mask, persona slipped) but my heart – I guess wants to believe the lies. The truth is you don’t treat people you love, actually love doesn’t come into it – you don’t treat anyone the way an abuser does. Am trusting my heart will catch up with my head x

[Author]

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