Sulking

[redthirteen]

I live with my Ex and we have had many discussions about selling our house. He doesn’t want to, he says he doesn’t want to leave his family.
it all started with him ending our relationship (timeframe removed by Moderator) ago. I said he needed mental health help and it’s only now he’s doing something about it as I went to the doctor and told his doctor about the things he’s said to me. Such a ‘not being here’ although I know he won’t take his prescription properly.

I feel like he’s blaming me and says things like ‘(quote removed by Moderator)’ he’s also said that I would be ruining all of our lives if we separate . He says ‘(quote removed by Moderator)’

I know in my heart I tried to make him go to get help multiple times and said counselling would help but he always said he didn’t need it and that it wouldn’t help.
He won’t take our children out by himself simply because he says he doesn’t want to be with them by himself-so sometimes I go out with him just so our children don’t miss out but I honestly can’t stand being with him because a lot of the times he just sulks and follows me around. He doesn’t do a lot for them and wont even make them breakfast because he just doesn’t ever offer.
I honestly feel bad but I cannot be around the man anymore he’s brought me down for so long. (detail removed by Moderator).

what do I do? I don’t want to upset our children once I say we have to move which is still a long way off. He’s making me feel like this is all my fault but the way he’s treated me the last (timeframe removed by Moderator) has been horrendous in my eyes.

[redthirteen]

To add-there are more reasons behind the split which he gave me at the time. I pleaded with him to not split up and he dragged it out for so long. Not getting help and not helping much at all with our children, I came to terms that we had separated and needed to sort our living situation out which I had planned and only recently he’s changed his mind on all of this. Telling me these things I’ve mentioned. I cannot even begin to think of re-conciliation. He can come and go when he pleases as he knows I’m always the one to look after our children. Even (timeframe removed by Moderator) I said why don’t you take our children to the park and he said no he doesn’t want to. (detail removed by Moderator). He asks me why I’m so moody with him all the time and I just say because you don’t do anything with the children? It’s like because I’ve asked him -he doesn’t want to do what I say?
I’ve asked his mum for help with him and she says she’s tried to talk to him-and sometimes I repeat things he’s said to me and she says ‘just ignore him’ I’m so stuck.

[Lisa]

Hi redthirteen,

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope it has helped to post here about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing to others who may have experienced similar. It is common for abusive people to turn things around to blame the other person to shift any responsibility- you haven’t done anything to cause his behaviour.

Do reach out to our Live Chat service if you feel it would help to discuss your situation with a Women’s Aid worker. The Live Chat service is currently open 10am-4pm Monday to Friday via this link.

Keep posting when you can, there is support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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