Support

[Surviving2025]

I have recently left my abusive partner and during the lead up to leaving I contacted the local organisation that helps provide support and had initially been told that I was being reffered to a couple of group courses, one to one counselling and would have a support worker assigned to me get in touch within the week, also that they would email information over. A few days after when I still hadn’t received the email I called again and they realised there was a spelling mistake and would send it out again. A week after that I still hadn’t had my support worker reach out to me or the email so I called again and was told I wasn’t going to be having a support worker or the counselling and what help would I like and I just said really whatever you can offer me because I’m currently receiving no support and she said that she would look at getting someone to talk to me for housing advice. We are almost a week out from that phone call and I’ve had no one get in contact with me apart from one of the courses saying that they won’t enroll me whilst I’m in the middle of dealing with everything as it’s more for the parenting side of things and they would be in touch again in a few months when the next course starts and still no email.

I have had a very difficult time getting my housing officer to speak to me as I had been placed somewhere I couldn’t get to work and get the children to school at the same time as I rely on public transport so I just feel like I have had no support whatsoever and don’t know where to turn.

I have felt so unsupported and made to feel like I’m a burden and basically have moments of weakness where I feel I’ve made a mistake for both myself and my children and that I should go back to him. I know thats not the case when im thinking clearly but I worry if I continue going without support I may end up caving and going back. I literally have no family in the country, no friends apart from work that i have felt im going to loose due to no help with getting my children to school, so I really am just completely on my own with it all.

I have reached out to my gp for mental health support but if anyone has any advice of where else I can turn to that would be great.

[RoseSprigs]

Hey, I’m so sorry you’ve been left to feel so alone and that it’s taking so long for you to and your kids  to get the support you need. It’s just not right at all. But you’re not a burden, and you are blooming brave in trying to achieve safety for yourself and your family. I understand desperation and instability that can make you wonder whether to go back to your abuser, but you’re absolutely right in those clear moments: you mustn’t go back to him, it will be worse. I’m so so sorry that support isn’t fast and strong enough to help us or to stop abusers.

In terms of help… I can recommend something I self referred to, it’s a nationwide free domestic abuse group support program for survivors. It’s called The VOICE program and I think it normally runs weekly. They assigned me to a outreach worker who has helped with housing, benefits support, therapy refferals, and the criminal investigation into my ex.  It did take a really long time before I started to get support, even though I’d told my GP, and police, and the job centre… and they’d done their safeguarding and signposting I didn’t actually have anyone to talk to for half a year since opening up about the abuse. I really seriously hope this help comes sooner for you, particularly as you have kids. I think, if you can and it’s safe to (and it’s absolutely guaranteed your abuser won’t find out) help will come sooner the more explicit you are about being a survivor of domestic abuse. I tried to get support for mental health without being clear of situation and was put on a 3 year wait list…

I know how hard it is to advocate for yourself and to trust in life when someone’s winded it from you. But know how strong you are to be here, and know that support will come <3

[Marmalade]

Hi Surviving2025,

Hang in there. You’ve been incredibly brave and strong getting out and things will get better in time. The first few months of getting out are incredibly hard but you can do this. Don’t go back. It could be much worse.

Support in UK is patchy depending on where you live. I found that after leaving DA agencies don’t treat you as a priority. They pour their support and resources into women still trapped in the relationship. That’s not to say there’s no support, but you may not be a priority,

Going to the GP is a really good idea. They can signpost you to support. Have you tried the Freedom Programme? If there is one near you it can be a good opportunity to share experiences and advice with other women. Bloom also offer online counselling which may help. Victim Support may be able to signpost support.

Keep posting. A lot of us have been where you are now. It does get better.

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