Support Group has abusive person in it

[Janedoeissad]

I started going to a wellness and recovery course. Its a small group who attend

One person has a mental health issue which they admit makes them abusive. They are trying to change themselves for the better. Their partner has a marker on the house in case this persons anger “gets too much”.

This person triggers me. I feel stressed and anxious in their presence.

I feel annoyed as this is the second mental health based course I have been to with the same charity where people have declared aggressive and abusive behaviour. They are aware of my situation.

I am not sure how else I can get help though? The waiting list for counselling with this charity is huge, I can’t attend WA stuff as it is only during week days (I work full time) and I can not seem to find anything. I have called the WA helpline and they told me to contact my local WA, I did and just got told all their stuff is on week days.

I could possibly get counselling through work but I don’t want work to know what has happened.

[Tiffany]

Counselling through work should be confidential – I mean, they would know that you were accessing counselling and your counsellor would know what was going on, but that wouldn’t get back to anyone else. I don’t really have anything else helpful I can say. It is hard to access stuff when you work full-time. Waiting lists are insane – I am getting my first counselling session soon, and I have been on waiting lists as long as I have been on this site. Things do seem to gradually get better though. Even without help. It’s frustrating as things would go much quicker and more easily if we had proper support. But we do survive.

[Janedoeissad]

Thanks for the response Tiffany.

My company outsource occupational health. So I would need to ask someone in my office in order to figure out how to access it. They are nice but love to gossip. And I really don’t want the whole business knowing.

[Tiffany]

If you go straight to your manager and it gets out then that would be a serious breach of ethics… You also don’t have to tell your manager why you are seeking counselling. If it is outsourced that could be a good thing – less chance anyone would know that you were attending if it isn’t within your company.

I actually got some in house counselling a couple of years ago at an old job and for other reasons. No one but my manager ever knew as far as I know.

[Dragonfly]

I accessed counselling through my work. We have private medical insurance through Bupa. No one, not even my manager needed to know (I was quite open about it though). It’s a confidential service and no one needs to know

[Chickadee]

Would it be possible to set up something through WA that is one to one with someone during the weekdays for you? That would resolve the situation and would probably benefit you more presently. You could always do a group later.

Chickadee

[Lisa]

Hi Janedoeissad,

You may have already looked into these organisations but if not then they might be of some help whilst waiting for counselling.

SupportLine- offer confidential emotional support to children, young adults and adults by telephone, email and post.

http://www.supportline.org.uk/index.php

Also the Counselling Directory and BACP have searches for counsellors:

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/

https://www.bacp.co.uk/

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Janedoeissad]

Thank you all for your help. I might have to bite the bullet and talk to my manager about how to access counselling through work.

Lisa, thanks for the links. I have tried a private counsellor but I’m currently paying for two houses at once and I just can’t afford £45 a session. I also hated the fact the woman fell asleep for a minute during my session!! But I think that’s just a one off hopefully.

I will call the other link though.

[maddog]

I have had some really awful experiences of group therapy. More than once, in different parts of the country. I have found the support of Freedom invaluable. Just fantastic.
I hope your manager is kind and supportive. It is difficult but if you remember that 1 in 4 households are suffering, it is unlikely to be only you unless you work for a small company.

[Janedoeissad]

I’m glad I’m not the only one.

My anxiety is kicking my a*s at the minute. It’s getting frustrating. It’s more the physical symptoms. My head gets that all is well but my body doesn’t. I constantly feel like my throat is closing. But not so bad that I can’t breathe or carry on with my day. It’s an awful feeling, extremely distracting and I hate it.

More than anything I hate that HE has made me like this. I deserve better than to feel this way. I suppose the fact I feel that I deserve more is positive though.

[fizzylem]

I think it would be really helpful to you and this person if you can feel able to voice how youre feeling in the group, while you are both supported, it could aid growth.

Part of the healing process is to build resiliance. You are going to come into contact with aggressive types in life, feeling you know how to deal with these types rather than running away and feeling triggered would be great. Wishing you courage. FL. x

[Janedoeissad]

Fizzylem, thanks for you message. I have kept going and although I haven’t discussed my circumstances yet, I felt less anxious at this meeting than the last. So you are spot on with the growth thing.

Also I have recently read a really good book called “Counselling for Toads: A Psychological Adventure”. Its based on the characters from wind in the willows and goes through Toad having counselling and in tern, you learn a lot. In 150 pages I learnt A LOT! I highly recommend reading it. Its changed my perspective on people as a whole (I think I had a negative view of all people before I read it, due to the relationship I had with my Ex). So this has also helped me.

[fizzylem]

Brilliant! Doing cartwheels for you girl! I will definately read xx

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