Talking to a GP

[Theydeservethebest]

Things are escalating here.
If I spoke to my GP about all of this would they report it to someone or just give advice? I’m concerned about everything snowballing and giving my kids bad experiences when I’m mostly shielding them pretty well. If I can get this done without it becoming something with lots of agencies involved it would be better.
I spose I’m paranoid about losing my kids even though common sense part of me knows there’s no reason for that. I’ve got fear of social services turning up and scaring them.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure of your circumstances or how your GP might see the situation but it sounds like you want help but are a bit hesitant.

Your GP is trained to deal with this and if you say things are escalating then you need to be reaching out to some one. You may get input from agencies but none of them will come charging in and scare your kids. I have always found children’s services to be amongst the agencies that are most reasonable.

Your other alternative is Women’s Aid they get it even when no one else does they do. X

[Theydeservethebest]

Yes I do want help but I’m also scared to go down that path. It’s not a physical violence situation exactly and it’s not at the kids, he’s being nasty and cruel to me not them.
I’m hoping for a magical easy end to it all I suppose. None of this is my fault but I still feel guilty
Thanks I think I’ll try and call womens aid again. It’s very hard with the lockdown situation. Thanks for replying x

[KIP.]

Abusers use all sorts of threats and lies to keep us quiet. Abuse thrives on silence. You GP has a duty to inform other agencies if she feels you or your children are in danger but please don’t let this put you off speaking to her. It’s important that his abuse is logged and it’s great evidence should you need it at a later date. Abusing a mother is as bad as abusing her children. He doesn’t get any credit for not directly abusing them at the moment but they see and hear things that become normal to them. They see their mother distressed and she can’t be the best mum to them when she is dealing with an abuser. We minimise the abuse as a way to cope. Try keeping a secret journal of the abusive behaviour. A classic abuser lie is to have your children taken off you. Mine used to threaten this regularly and that I had a mental illness (depression, which he caused) and I would never get custody. They are pathological liars. Only believe what you hear from professionals. Women’s aid will reassure you that he simply cannot do these things and that kind of coercive control is illegal not and you could also speak to the domestic abuse police for advice.

[Anonymous]

Hi

Nasty and cruel can be just as bad as violence. Women’s Aid do live chat on their website between 10am and 12noon if that’s any better or email? Either way be careful he doesn’t catch you and take care x

[Theydeservethebest]

Thanks, I’ve regrouped in my head a little and I’m going to call womens aid today later if I can. I just want to go to sleep for a year I’m so tired of feeling feelings if that makes sense.
Thanks I really do appreciate the help because you make it clearer for me.
A peaceful day to you all x

[Theydeservethebest]

Well now we are back to super quiet, humble and fake confused. I see from the cycle this is the honeymoon phase brewing. I feel sick.

[Cecile]

You have great insight. Clearly intelligent and sensitive, and you know right from wrong. Use your abilities and build on this to get free.

[KIP.]

Use this honeymoon period to put things into action behind the scenes. If there’s anything you need from him. Money to stash away, a written commitment for the future. A trial separation because your desperate to save your marriage (not). Him watching the kids while you go out for a walk (to the solicitor or women’s aid). You can play this game to your advantage but you need to be very careful x

[Keepsingin]

Hi there
A support worker has been advising me to contact my GP about abuse and its effects and I am finally taking her advice today.
My thoughts are: with an abusive partner , although we feel weak, we gradually build up a kind of strength, because we somehow manage to cope and keep things together over a long period of abuse. The problem is, we don’t really cope – it takes its toll and finally we crack. I am at the place where I cannot take any more – I need help.
Let’s be strong and ask for help – support workers, GP’s, others. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s completely essential if we are going to get through.
Put it like this – If there really isn’t a problem, the GP and support worker would tell us. They never seem to, though; they seem to catch on to abuse much more clearly and quickly than we do. They have seen it all. We are not alone, even when the loneliness is at its very worst.
I wish you health, peace and happiness.

[Theydeservethebest]

You are all wonderful. You’re so right, I’m trying to take steps now to keep things simple that could cause problems later. I was so ready for change this morning it’s almost an anti climax but this change inside me I’m feeling is a step forwards.
Thankyou all x

[KIP.]

Abusers have a real sense of when we have had enough. My ex would leave me hanging by my fingernails then he would rein in his behaviour. And round and round it went for decades. He thrived and my health dived x

[Theydeservethebest]

How are you now?
I agree, this is very familiar but I’m not buying it. How quickly it can all change. I read that Living with a Dominator book and it’s so right. He’s not angry, if he was it would still be there. He’s just mean when he feels like it. X

[Theydeservethebest]

The nice guy bit is really making me feel ill. Now I’m trying to grey rock or even be nice and I’m starting to look moody. I’m conscious of the kids thinking he’s being nice and I’m being nasty.
I’m also starting to feel that way. I wonder how long super calm nice guy can last. It’s dawning on me how grim the end of this could be.

[KIP.]

Hey there. I’m thriving and he’s diving now lol. We are everything without them, they are nothing without us x

[KIP.]

Open up to your GP. You don’t need to tell them everything but enough to get it recorded and reach out for help x

[Author]

Posts