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I recently told the guy i’m seeing about some of the stuff my ex did to me (physical abuse) and he was very taken aback and kept asking me why I didn’t report it and said now someone else might be with him and he could hurt them. At the time I just was focused on surviving and getting out but now feel very guilty that I didn’t. Although I know the police likely couldn’t do anything now i’ve left him. But I felt really sad after his reaction and I just wish i’d never told him, I already find it hard to talk to anyone about and this made me never want to again, he was nice about it afterwards and maybe I was projecting and he was just curious, but I just wondered if anyone else had struggled opening up about this?
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Yes – I have gotten bad reactions and triggering from my self. It’s not good and I don’t say it much out loud now.
Glad you were able to say something. Speaking to some one is not the best experience.
The police wanted me to report him and I did not due to serious repercussions and possible increase in abuse.
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Don’t blame yourself! This new guy’s reaction is a little bit worrying, like if you just told him something extremely traumatic for you, his first reaction is to make you feel worse about it?
I mean perhaps it’s other people’s (who don’t have similar experiences) naivety and lack of understanding that lead to them saying things that come across as completely lacking in empathy. And maybe in being over sensitive after my own experience, but I’d say it’s a red flag.
Even if he didn’t mean it, but just doesn’t get it, I still don’t think he is the one for you as, if that’s the case, he won’t ever truly get it even if the relationship progresses. And I think you would need someone who does.
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