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My heart goes out to any woman here who is going through, or been through court, and the way they have been ‘not/heard’, and what that has done to you and your belief of what has happened to you and your children due to abuse.
A report being discussed on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour today, shows that of the 75 children who were forced into contact where abuse was previously reported about the partner/father, in some of these cases, the father’s were convicted paedophiles! This was a report carried out by Manchester University. Another was some research that the BBC has done into women going to court, where the abuser has applied for child contact, found that at least five women have died ‘some took their own life, one had a heart attack outside the court’.
Please, all and any of you that have been through, or going through court, you must hold onto your truth.
Letting others rewrite your history is extremely damaging to your mental health. You know what happened, and you have done your best to protect you all. By ‘telling’ you that your experience doesn’t count, or somehow isn’t real, didn’t happen that way, doesn’t actually matter, doesn’t change the facts. Please know that the reason court has caused you damage is because your truth, and therefore yours and your children’s safety has been compromised, and it doesn’t make your experiences any less true or awful.
The BBC goes on to state how frequently the abusive father’s are claiming ‘parental alienation’ against the mothers, and that seems to be being believed over the abuse, despite in many cases, this abuse being not only documented, but father’s having been found guilty of crimes against women and their children.
Don’t ever let go of your truth, it is your sanity! No matter what anyone tells you, or the message that the ‘authorities’ give by making such rulings, often supported by other agencies, and manipulated by an abusive father.
We all know what the truth is, and must never forget it. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself (something I have had to repeatedly tell myself, not always successfully!).
Much strength, resilience and love to you all brave women, even if you don’t feel brave.
warmest wishes
ts
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Thanks for your post I wrote a post earlier this week about my mental health and it got taken down.I’ve been so close to giving my abusive ex partner everything he wants because of the court system I am now even scared to say anything to court because it looks like the more you speak the more they make out your crazy after keeping a closed mouth for many years.i have often wished my abusive ex would pass along with myself because he’s been treated like a saint and me the abuser for protecting my kids these people called (detail removed by moderator) Are terrible and treated me like a liar and I’ve got to do everything I’m told by courts or I’ll be punished it’s ridiculous
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I am currently going through this now. He claims (detail removed by moderator)! I have been asked to (detail removed by moderator)! I am hoping that I am able to speak up but even my own (detail removed by moderator). Why are victims punished for telling the truth. It’s making me very anxious and the thought of having to (detail removed by moderator)
I will be glad when this is all over. (detail removed by moderator)! I am worried that by leaving I have put our child in more danger (detail removed by moderator)! -
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It makes me go cold reading the replies to my post, and well up.
Thats all I can say, never forget your truth, even if you are ‘allowed’ to say it in court, or to your solicitor who is paid to make sure your truth is said, you have to know and hold tight onto what happened, because it literally is your sanity.
Hang on tight all reading this and suffering from the process which acts to undermine you.
warmest wishes
ts
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*are not (allowed to say it in court….).
I noticed my typo after the editing window shut.
Please also when talking on here, be careful to not give any specific information about your circumstances, not only to keep you safe, but I am also desperate for this post to remain up as long as it can in hopes it can help anyone, including the women who read but don’t feel able to post.
Heaps of strength to you all, if you have told the truth, then that is your absolute best you can do for you and your children.
Be also very careful about your solicitor telling you to ‘agree’ (parenting courses/co-parenting/mediation, and being forced into ‘therapy’ by courts that tells you your thoughts are wrong and you are stuck in the past, that’s dangerous type of conversion therapy). Speak to your GP and find your own therapist that you feel is helpful to you in your personal journey.
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Hello all,
I just wanted to post a quick reminder, as Twister Sister has kindly already advised, to please be careful not to share any specific information about court experiences, ongoing or past, and to refrain from mentioning specific services in posts.
As I’m sure you are all aware court is not something we can discuss on a public forum, if you would like more information on this, please see the Forum Guidelines. Information on our restrictions about posting about court can be found under Terms & Conditions – ‘Contempt of Court’.
Thank you,
Lisa -
(detail removed by moderator)
It’s really good that that the murky world of the family courts is finally being exposed. Not before time.
It’s well known that the abuser will do their level best to turn any children against the safe parent both within the relationship and beyond.
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Yes, Maddog, even when it’s acknowledged in law, like guilt in criminal courts, still the mother is distanced from protecting her children, and the father given at least 50/50 custody. It would save a lot of pain, and vast sums of money poured into these cases, if there were no court and the initial position of 50/50 contact decided before it started.
You couldn’t make it up, and it actively continues the harm to the mothers being so distraught at the risks for their children being alone with the perp. How often do we hear that said here.
When you add into that, that we often struggle with this abusive reality when ‘authorities’ come along to deny and minimise for the perp, it can be the end of the woman. Not every woman can keep fighting and keep hold of her mind through these far reaching dangerous processes, on top of having suffered the most terrible abuses.
warmest wishes
ts
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