the consequences of the evil that is abuse

[Anewbreath]

Each day since I have left my abuser I slowly become healthier, mentally, emotionally and physically. But still my emotions fluctuate alot. I am still experiencing some PTSD symptoms. And I want to know why abuse is not considered some form of attempted murder. Because that is exactly what abuse is. The attempted murder not of our physical bodies (as is the case sometimes) but of our spirit, whatever you want to call the thing that innervates our physical bodies.
Abuse is so evil…. so insidious and so very very dangerous.
And most abusers know that what they are doing; they know they are trying to control us, by breaking our most precious beauty, our inner self… yet most of them are hardly ever punished for it… Me walking around living like a zombie, because of some twisted human being doesn’t warrant any earthly retribution on my part.
I want accountability. I want better education for future generations.
The man that abused me tried to break my spirit. Something of great beauty- my life, my ability to contribute to this world, my self-worth, my happiness, my joy. He didnt succeed but he did wound me greatly. Now I am in the process of mending those wounds. I am so changed because of him. I am stronger. I have boundaries that I never had before. I see the world differently. And he hasn’t taken my beauty. Yet I wouldn’t wish what he did to me on my greatest enemy. Yet society allows him to walk away and continue to be a sick individual. When will these monsters be made to undergo some sort of mandatory counseling/ mental evaluation. How can we stop this evil when it is so easily undetected or ignored?

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Anewbreath,

beautifully written, I couldn’t agree more. My abuser sounds the same as yours. I am struggling a lot again feeling traumatised by what he did, all the lying, cheating, putting me down, gaslighting, trying to destroy my mental health and use it against me, being physically rough, the aggression and threats. I feel like I was tricked into being with someone evil who pretended to be good. I feel so wounded by it and worried about how long I’ll be feeling like this. My abuser is walking free too, he will be on all the dating and sex sites no doubt trolling for new victims and will appear to them as their perfect partner the way he appeared to me. There are currently virtually no consequences for their behaviour and this needs to change. Police don’t even get coercive control and like many others they tried to use my mental health against me to cast doubt on what I experienced. I hope women can work together to change society so that these monsters are greatly reduced in number and the remaining ones are punished for what they do.

[Borntobefree]

Hi hun

I can understand how you feel
I so happy I have my freedom from abuse

But I can not understand why my ex was so evil
And tried to break me ..which he did succeed

I relive the horror each day

But I try so hard to move forward

It’s not easy I can get over the sexual abuse

But not his evil words ..

Pyscolical trauma is evil to the core
I did not deserve it at all nor ptsd

I never ever trusted men …

Don’t think I can again after my last relationship 😩

[Anewbreath]

Borntobefree, yes it such a difficult journey towards being healed. Which is why I am not going to let this go. It will take some time but I will start seeking advice about how as a survivor I can help make the world a safer less abusive place. You have already made a really important step on your journey to healing, and that was leaving him. So even though my words may not help much, I congratulate you for everything you have done so far, for your betterment, for your spirit.
Healing from the evil that is abuse is a very difficult and tedious process.
My abuser would call me a w***e multiple times a day. When I left him the word was imprinted in my mind, and it took a couple months after I left him before I realized there was no one in my head anymore calling me ugly names, and judging all my actions. That day I realized was a big win for me. I believe time and no longer living with evil brought about that healing.
Continue to do and discover things that make you happy. See if you can take some of the time you think about him and what he did to you and use it to find out and do activities that make you feel good. Yoga has helped me alot, so has colouring and journaling and making lists of the things I am grateful for. We have a beautiful community at women’s aid. I am really grateful this website exists… I hope my suggestions help give you some ideas

[KIP.]

Hello and welcome. Speaking out about abuse and changing a system that let me down has been really cathartic. I’ve visited Parliament, changed the rules round vulnerable witnesses at court and proposed an amendment to a bill going through parliament while still suffering PTSD. Raised awareness of the lack of trauma counselling, taken on the banks that tried to force me to go down with him to have my name removed from our joint account while he was on bail for assaulting me. Such stupid unnecessary rules that retraumatised me. The list goes on and on. To a solicitor who passed on my new email and phone numbers to my abuser. So maybe when you’re feeling upto it, pick one thing you want to change. Start with your MP and get writing lol.

[Anewbreath]

Thanks KIP. I will bear your experience in mind when I start. That’s awful what happened to you.

[toffee]

A Brief Summary:

When the divorce was over from a n********t marriage of (detail removed by Moderator) years, and house finances sorted, after a further (detail removed by Moderator) months, (much to my annoyance), as my daughter moved in to my home, with her family, without my knowledge, before my share of the house was paid to me. A long story..but more like.. blackmail in signing away my equity to my daughter and son in law… whilst my former husband remains at the house.

I was not given a progress report on what was happening with the sale of my home, even, during my stay with her for (detail removed by Moderator) months or, after I moved.

I found/find this extremely deceitful and hurtful and hard to come to terms with.

My daughter has had no contact with me since my move in (detail removed by Moderator) last year to, then (detail removed by Moderator), and now (detail removed by Moderator), neither, have I seen either of my grand children ages (detail removed by Moderator) and (detail removed by Moderator) then.

My personal belongings have been discarded without my consent silly sentimental things such as an ice skating badge I earned when I was just a little girl .My former husband has manipulated the family against me.

I had very little from the marital home no white goods furniture bedding etc. As whatever I wanted “HE” needed for himself. So it became I started a new be

This coldness from her, is at the worst unbearable. Especially the evenings when I should be sleeping.. I feel I am to blame, for divorcing her Dad, or maybe she is being “manipulated” by her actions of no contact with me. My son, is supportive and has had contact and visited me and my new partner in our bungalow.

[Anewbreath]

Toffee, I am sorry you had to face that evil. Emotional, psychological and financial abuse; I hope you are ok right now. Remember abuse is never your fault. Yet I understand how it can hurt and hurt. That’s why I will try my best in the fight for change in the near future. Its something I thing we must address to together, so we can make more of an impact. This evil is very strong and very prevalent. But that doesn’t mean we going to give up.

[Ayanna]

Yes, you are right.
Abusers are pampered and encouraged by this system.
We need to change this.

[Author]

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