The depression is very bad

[Rainbowcloud]

Although he’s having his nice cycle again now aftervweeks of abuse he’s been nice for two weeks I should be happy I’m not. I’ve never felt so depressed in all my life. When he was abusing me for weeks and I finally said go I felt strong then I meant it but he doesn’t go he switches back to being the nice guy for a bit. The depression I feel and have felt now for two weeks has been so bad I haven’t done my hair how I usually do can’t be bothered with makeup etc I don’t know why this has happened or why I don’t feel better even though he’s being nice to me. I’m not in tears crying I don’t feel anything I feel numb that’s the worst of it I feel numb to feelings.
When he was kicking off I felt stronger I had made my mind up but he wouldn’t let that happen he thought he could be nice again and it will go away like all the other times.
I don’t trust him one bit he hasn’t even noticed how my mood is very low or asked what’s wrong he’s being perfect and doing up the garden saying we will have parties in our new garden just his family no mention of my family and I said I wanted to invite a friend and her kids over in the hols and he was like I did the garden for me to enjoy not your mates etc doesn’t seem fair my life is on his terms always.
Nobody visits no friends family very rarely his come over all the time now and it’s my house.
I feel so sad and depressed like a big massive cloud of following me all the time I don’t know why I feel so bad I’ve jever felt this bad before when he’s being nice to me so I don’t get it.
I wish I knew hat to do I can’t do a thing now he’s being nice again and done loads of work on the house etc imagine how I would look you can’t force yourself to love someone again can you

[Janedoeissad]

Hi Rainbowcloud

I think your last comment hit me the most. “You can’t force yourself to love someone again can you?”. The answer is no, I get the feeling you are seeing through your abusers tactics. That can bring on some difficult feelings. Have you tried calling the Womans Aid number? Maybe talk things through with them?

You should try and see your GP if you are feeling low. Maybe he could help you.

It is hard when they are hateful for ages and then nice again. It is all part of the abuse though, because no one would ever stay with someone who was horrible all the time. They give you glimmers of hope to hold on to.

Your partner sounds like a very abusive man, please keep safe and keep posting on here.

[KIP.]

You saw a chance for freedom and he pulled the rug from under you. The depression this causes is catastrophic. Yet he will be thriving as you deteriorate. That’s what abuse does. Start again with a plan for freedom. You can do this x

[Iwantmeback]

I can’t love my oh again either. Once it’s gone it’s gone. You sound how I felt in the early days of realising I was an abused wife. Numb, lethargic, no appetite, just wanted to lie on the couch all day with a cover over me. My roots were about 4″, I also wore no makeup and couldn’t even be bothered showing or bathing, sometimes I never even had the energy to brush my teeth. I’m almost ready to book a dentists appointment soon. Everytime I remember though, it’s too late to do so. Your life is a mirror of mine. No one comes round us either, he doesn’t like anyone in his house once he’s in from work unless it suits him or they’re his friends or family. I’ll tell you something though, he will have noticed yiur mood, but he’s waiting for an opportunity to use it to his advantage, watch he’s not telling everyone you’ve got depression and are abusing him. It’s a long road out of feeling like this, but I realise that I haven’t felt like that in a while now, and I think it’s because I have finally decided enough enough. Your grieving just now. The stages of grief surrounding threes death of a loved one are three same we go through when we realise who we live with. Everyone’s timeline to healing is different, we heal at different times. Keep posting and reading others posts, knowledge is power as they say.
All the best and post anything you want, nothing is of limits except live court cases.
IWMB 💞💞

[fizzylem]

Maybe speak to your GP. Wondering if counselling could help or maybe some anti-depressants – if you and the GP think this might help temporarily – to get through. You def need to be talking about what you think and how you feel.

Sounds like the relationship is dead for you and that you’re coming to terms with this.

Depression is often a state we find ourselves in when we feel lost, unsure what to do, stuck in a situation – it signals to us that we need change, need to workout what it is we want / need. Sometimes it is because we are avoiding making a decison that we find ourselves stuck in a circling depression. It can feel scary to make a life decision when feeling low and a loss of confidence x

[freedomtochoose]

I’m not sure about the ‘avoiding’ thing.
I’ve always hated when depression is described as an element of that.
You are where you are.
Right now.
Difficut.
But you are facing it. Facing it. facing it.
and to do so requires so much courage.
well done.
Sorry don’t have much more to say apart from
stick with it
all best
ftc
x

[fizzylem]

Just wanted to add, that feeling depressed is a normal response and expected when living with abuse and feeling stuck in a miserable relationship x

[freedomtochoose]

Sometimes I think it is the ‘small’ thigns that get us through.
‘Women’s’ things. You know, facepack, something nice to eat. Piece of fruit.
Watching gritty comedy on Netflix…(Amy shumer?)

ftc
x

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