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How can I be living in the western world , a place where we constantly show off to other cultures about how liberated women here are when we are perhaps the most used, exploited and disrespected groups of women in the world?
How can Family Lawyers be predominantly women and yet most judges are still men.
Why are most female legal professionals so condescending to women who’ve experienced DV unless they are paying hefty legal fees preferring instead to for the male client because he usually has so financially exploited the woman that only he can afford legal representation.
I also hate my inlaws, my ex and my own natural family and many of the women who I thought were my friends.
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That’s why they insult you by sending these arrogant male and female officers to the home when there’s been an incident and there’s always something about the male officers that feels as if they dislike women as much as the abuser.
Then the inlaws who must have known your partner was a psycho but always make exscuses for him and sometimes your own family of origin who must hate you and view you as an utter non human to take your partners side.
I hate everyone at the moment because inspite of all the campaigns there are so many things wrong with the DV movement and that’s the niavete of the women who run these charities and I don’t mean to patronise.
After (detail removed by Moderator) years of allowing this man to torment and harm me in so many ways I got to a refuge (detail removed by Moderator) years ago with my child. The refuge staff meant well but even they had a slightly patronising attitude treating the women in the refuge as failures they needed to help.
The stress meant that many women fell out, argued, had fights then deliberately tried to get each other evicted. From one abuse to another type of abuse.
The ladies at the refuge gave advice they thought would help but with no legal training they often made things worse for you, telling me to sit tight and wait until the ex went to court if he wanted contact with my child. This made him more enraged and more determined to exact revenge.
They told me not to reply to his communications and I did this. It all back fired when I was told that I couldn’t get legal aid because I was not currently living in the family home then during a day visit to see my sister she betrayed me and took my son back to his father.
The refuge staff were furious and I had to leave the refuge as it’s location was compromised. I tried to return home my ex had changed all the locks to our brand new four bed home and had taken in lodgers who were sleeping on all the new beds I’d bought. When I tried to use my key my ex called our lovely police who asked me to leave even when they knew that would make me Street homeless.
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I’m stuck in this mess whereby if you have fled the matrimonial home, your ex refuses to sell you cannot get legal aid. So why then do the charity’s promise so much? We leave home and in my case I became Street homeless for (detail removed by Moderator) years as I’m local authorities said my name was on the house I fled.
Two people who were sleeping rough that I knew have now died. I eventually got a place in a night shelter and my ex found the whole thing funny and my child was deteriorating.
I thought of all my friends and family who have spare rooms who didn’t want my misfortune to affect them and so with contact with my son the abuse has continued.
The lawyers are cold, the (detail removed by Moderator) people at the CAB think women like me are scumbags, the housing departments are full of arrogant women who have no empathy at all.
Even some of the staff on the women’s aid line revictimise you telling you that you’ve called five times in a month and that they can’t help you.I broke down and my mental health team saw my ex twice and concluded that he seemed lovely that they could not believe he’d abuse me.
So I am now impoverished, a university graduate who didn’t realise that men too can be rutheless gold diggers who exploit women to the point of homelessness,using their money to take our kids, our shelter our lives.
Our female friends look at us with contempt how could we not keep our man, our male relatives don’t care and so the abuse against us and our children continues.
When the lawyers realise you can’t get legal and that your ex won’t sell the house they finish with you coldly, all that they’d promised fading with what remains of the hope for the life that you could have if you could get your child,get divorced and get your money back.
Money is king in
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Its hard to find the right type of support sometimes, this is infuriating when all you need is the right kind of help, but sadly this is part of it for now hey. I hope you keep on looking and don’t give up. I’ve been fortunate and found a fab Refuge support worker who feels like a life line sometimes, but it took me while to find her. There is good support out there and some not so and some completely unhelpful. I fully agree that being caught up in the legal system is the worst place to be, I try to avoid it as much as possible, it only causes pain and anguish and yes the people working in it are rubbish, because their motives are for financial self gain.
But we can not change this. You are angry and understandably so, but this anger is eating you up. I know because I have been there. You need to find some way of letting this go, for you. I have not forgiven, nor will I ever, but I have decided that I will not allow myself to feel the pain any longer, I’m letting it go, I cant change him or others, I accept he is the way he is, they are the way they are, the system is the way it is. I’ve removed the thorn that aggravated me for too long, so that I can heal. What’s important now is building strength.
Do you have a place to stay?
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