The impression I get

[backtome]

So, I called my local women’s aid recently and explained some of the situation to her and that I want him out etc. She took my name and number and was going to get someone to call me back but no one ever did. Do you think they just don’t think it’s bad enough to warrant helping me? Am I dealing with it well enough by myself like social services said I was. How do I do this on my own, how do I make him go and make him stay gone if it’s not even deemed abusive. I’m over-analysing every thing he says and does and wondering if I’m turning it round so it sounds like abuse or if it actually is abusive.

To add to this, my lg worships him and thinks he’s the best thing ever. She’s very confident etc and not the usual type of personality you’d expect from a child who’s being emotionally abused. The problem is, she’s starting to act like him, she threw something expensive and breakable across the room in anger. She threatens me if I don’t do what she wants. I should add, she’s very young. She also uses emotional blackmail along the lines of don’t i want her to be happy, do i want her to be sad etc etc. Is this normal child behaviour or is it because that’s how he treats her?

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m in complete turmoil about whether making him leave is the best thing for her or not. I just don’t know, I still think I’m overreacting.

I’m seeing my doctor soon who knows a little of the history, but I don’t know what to say to her.

[KIP.]

Hey there. My local womens aid were very busy. There was a four to six week waiting list for allocation of a worker. However, please ring them back as there is usually a duty worker who can talk to you. I understand your doubts and i have a son with an abuser. My advice is to get your abuser away from you and your child as much as you can. The sort of behaviour you describe, i believe is learned from the influence of her father. If i could go back in time i would fight for absolute minimum contact for my child. If youre not sure then get him out your life and see how things change. Even as adults we are strongly influenced by the people around us. Keep setting a good example and make sure boundaries are in place for your childs behaviour too. I eventually reported my ex and he was arrested and convicted. I look back on that as setting an example for my son. I wont tolerate abuse in my life and there are consequences for those who choose to abuse me.

[backtome]

Thanks KIP. I’ve got my plan in place so soon hopefully he’ll be out and then I can try to keep contact minimum, i will just have to deal with the consequences in terms of the upset it will cause our lg.

I’m going to speak to my dr about the behaviour and see if they can suggest some ways to handle it. I’ve tried consequences and talking to her about it and explaining it’s ok to feel angry but not to lash out because of it etc. but she’s very young so probably doesn’t quite understand.

[Tiffany]

Sounds like an admin error to me. The message to call you back has got lost somewhere or they copied your number down wrong. It’s unfortunate, but these kind of things happen in every sector. It does not mean they don’t think you need help. I’d call again.

[Ariana]

I have the same problem with my little girl in that she adores her dad which is great but he us always letting her down never returning from work to see see her and put her to bed she is constantly asking for him and getting upset. I think the key is to set you’re own boundaries so she always knows what to expect and how to behave with you ..we naturally want to protect them and it’s horrid you feel so helpless when we know something bad is Influencing them. Don’t ever think that you’re problems arnt bad enough the fact that you are on a forum like this speaks volumes…youre gut is telling you it’s not right. Well done for going to the doctors I keep thinking about it but I havnt got the courage yet!!!xx

[backtome]

Thanks Tiffany and Ariana, I’m biding my time atm as we have a trip coming up but then it’ll be all systems go for project get him out. I’m hoping the doctor can give me some advice on my little girls behaviour. She just seems to get angry so easily. I definitely need boundaries with her, which are difficult to implement when he is around as the goal posts are constantly changing. She doesn’t even have a normal bed time routine.

My main concern is the lies he will fill her head with and her hating me for it. x

[Lightning-Jet]

Oh my goodness, this is heart wrenching. Emotional abuse affects children more than we realise it does. She is clearly picking up on how he is and behaving in a similar way, because she would think its normal behaviour. Young children shouldn’t be saying things like that, they wouldn’t know things like that.
Children are so impressionable & I completely understand how you feel over the adoration, I have the same with my child & my abuser. He idolises him & I have no idea why, but I worry so much about the effect it will have on my son long term.

Its great that you are going to get advice from the Dr, I hope things improve for you, take care x

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