The silent treatment

[Brokenfingernails]

Sick to my stomach again.

Spoke out (gently) telling my take on how he can be sometimes. This took place during a general, friendly conversation about getting fit, losing weight eating healthy.

Needless to say it didn’t go down well.

We had just started a (distance removed by Moderator) walk. Not a word was spoken the whole walk.

Back home he bustled off to get (activity removed by Moderator) (no doubt leaving the place a mess which will , at some time in the near future, be used against me) when he returned the silent treatment continued.

The house is under a bit of pressure with our heating system broken after the storm and despite plumbers promising to come out, or coming out and not having a clue what is wrong and charging handsomely for the pleasure. Stress.

So I had to talk about the latest plumber ( who he had bullied me into finding- he seems to think that he does everything and no one does anything for him/ thinks of him. Comments that he walks on egg shells because of me and my moods. I’m always moaning apparently, told someone (timeframe removed by Moderator) that I was extremely grumpy) I’m going off tangent and out of my mind, don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Had two close friends, one moved back abroad and the other he managed to manipulate I don’t see by saying he couldn’t stand her husband. I was in counselling and loved my therapist but he even managed to make that about him.

Look he finds fault with everyone, loves nothing more than telling everyone what he does for a living now, what he used to do and how he’s not a stupid man. Makes me cringe inside.

Now he’s gone out but I’m still on tenterhooks. Have recently been having chest pains, gone through tests. Stress. (specific incident removed by Moderator)! When I said what he’d just done he denied it! I think this is called gaslighting?

Anyhow when I broached the subject of what I’d said at the beginning of our walk (timeframe removed by Moderator), he remarked “(quote removed by Moderator)”.

Before I married him he knew I wanted to be part of a big family. He also knew, but didn’t say that his family, though large, was totally dysfunctional, (removed by Moderator).

I just feel like in a super large lump of jelly. Can’t do anything.feel sick. Have no one to talk to. I know all of you who write on this forum are going through your own private hells, but what is it all about, why be so locked away in the past stoking the unhappiness.

I really don’t understand.

Help

[Lisa]

Hi Brokenfingernails,

It’s all about power and control. He puts you down, finds fault with everything, isolates you from your support, it’s all to gain and keep power over you. It’s hard to understand because it’s not a way that you’d ever think to treat anyone, not a choice that you would make, but seeing it in these terms can help.

You might also find the Freedom Programme and the Duluth Power and Control Wheels helpful in making sense of your experiences.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

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