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My ex partner is still sending me hate and threats and I’m still not replying but I’m reading and absorbing it all. When I was replying, I tried to be kind and respectfully ask for distance. Over and over again. He still won’t leave me alone.
Police advised me against blocking him because of a trail of evidence he’s leaving. I also felt it might be unsafe to block him completely because it might enrage him into finding me in person. So I’ve just been absorbing it all.
Some days I can actually laugh at the nonsense he writes about me. Most days, when I see a new message, my heart races, I shake and hyperventilate, wail, and wish I was dead. Some days I am so so full of fury and impossible rage and I want so much to reply. Sometimes I even think about traveling to speak to him face to face again. I know that I can’t make him understand, or stop blaming, or stop hating me…
Somedays I want nothing more than to scream and scream about what he did to me.
He isolated me pretty much completely from friends and family and through I’ve started to repair some of those relationships, I still feel so utterly alone. He still communicates with me more than anyone else does. He kicked me out of my life and when he writes that I’m a ghost, I believe him. He’s won.
Today I feel so full of rage and I have no means or desire left to channel that into anything positive. He is killing me
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Yes, when people talk about toxic relationships, this is the moment when you really start to see that isn’t it. It is like a whole load of poison being dumped on you.
I get what the police are saying and it makes sense. Also your point makes sense too.Do you need to read them? What about giving yourself one hour every 3 days or so when you read them. Or just not reading them at all.
Just save them to wherever you’re saving them to and don’t read them.I don’t know how long it’s been since you left but I do think that this is something that will get better over time. I think you will start to see them as SO different to the interactions that you have with 99% of other people that it’ll really start to be obvious that he has a real problem.
Another option is to find someone else who can read them in your stead. Maybe even reply for you.
If your replies are just polite, non-comital and brief someone else could probs do it.Finally if this is having a terribly detrimental effect on you, you may need to think seriously about just stopping it. I understand what the police are saying but it’s not worth your long term health and sanity!
May be worth talking to your local domestic abuse team to see whether they have any suggestions.ps know how you feel. It’s really vile isn’t it.
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Ps time helped me to see that mine lives in a somewhat deluded world, and that the things he says about others have nothing really to do with those people. They don’t really know other people very well because they’re too shallow and unempathic to see beyond the surface. They pick up on things they can use to hurt us, weak spots you could say and that’s about it.
So I came to see that his words had nothing to do with me. If anything they were just projections of what was true about him.The more time has passed the more I see the truth of this.
The devastation they wreak is real and true and it seeing that can cause real and genuine distress and depression. But, don’t forget that however bad you feel now because of the wreckage he’s made of your life, you are capable of growth and change. You can and will emerge from this reformed and transformed into a more empathic, wiser, more rounded human.
He will not change. He will carry on living in the monstrous world that he lives in, forever. Endlessly repeating his horrible abuse on innocent people who stumble across his path.He is the ghost, not you. You’re just the pale grey of a chrysalis.
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I to gathered evidence for a while then after a while left house, moved, more evidence gathering then after a while blocked him. It was all bad and difficult.
Changing email address is good idea and relocation away from where he knows where you are. I would recommend you see a domestic violence advocate for more advice too on safety- there is also hotlines to ring.
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I don’t know if this is happening on WhatsApp but if it is you can move his chat into a locked chat folder, this means that you won’t see any of it, nor be made aware of new messages, unless you specifically open that folder.
It’s made a world of difference to me, before I didn’t even want to open WhatsApp to speak to friends sometimes because I couldn’t face being confronted with a new message from him. But now I literally don’t see him at all, whilst he’s not blocked
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