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Weekends are when the abuse is very bad for me. We discussed the money situation again I say discussed I tried to talk to him and he went on one refused to talk and put his hand up to my face got dressed and went out for most of the day as he wouldn’t discuss the 50/50 bills situation.
I waited till I came home (detail removed by moderator) I said are you still refusing to speak then he said don’t talk to me I want to be alone. This is the (detail removed by moderator)th day this week of the silent treatment because I want more money to the household I knew this would happen so I wasn’t shocked.
Then he came down he said (detail removed by moderator)
I have no debts I wanted a 50/50 of the bills that’s all. He said I’m moving out I said well I think this is best to be honest and he blamed it all into me once again saying it’s me I don’t leave things alone I don’t just shut my mouth etc etc
(detail removed by moderator).
I messaged him I said (detail removed by moderator) he just told me to F Off.
I’m not shocked or surprised I know money is what hurts him most he values that above anything else and me asking for more affects his nice little life there’s not speaking to him. I have asked him to move out a few times this week he hasn’t budged we spoke ok on (detail removed by moderator) but as soon as he opened his eyes this morning I knew I was in for it I can see it in his eyes when he wakes up it’s like evilness it’s horrid to say but it is and you know your in for it that day. In my own home and he isolated me so I have to sleep in the front room.
Wish he would just leave make it -
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Hi Rainbowcloud
I just wanted to show you some support as it feels like you know things are about to get worse.
You are right that now that you have stood up to him and told him to leave and that you want a fairer contribution financially the abuse is likely to escalate as he will not like it that you are taking control.
Keep a log of anything that happens and do contact the police on 999 if he becomes threatening or physically violent. He may say he is going to leave but the chances of him doing this are slim so you may want to contact DV Assist to enquire about what evidence you would need to apply for an Occupation Order as you may find this is the only way to get him out of the property if he has rights to live there.
You can always contact the helpline for some safety planning advice and support.
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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Hi Rainbowcloud
Talking about finances wasn’t possible with my abusive ex either, we sat down but he avoided it, mumbled some incoherent mumbles, was being agitated, looking very uncomfortable, I thought he was ashamed of something, maybe he was incompetent to manage even the simplest financial tasks…I didn’t understand he simply did not wish to talk about HIS finances because they are his. Even though we lived together and had bills to share too. We were both working at this stage and it is just common sense to talk about finances in order to pay our bills on time.
No, other men aren’t like this. I lived with a male flat-mate, we talked about the household finances over a cup of coffee and within less than an hour it was sorted.
Only abusers are being difficult because they want to stay in control of their money and not share it with anyone and on top of it they wish to control your money too. They’re really not right in their thinking.Well done on standing up to him, he certainly couldn’t take it as a man.
Why does he say he is moving out and then doesn’t? Can you get a group of strong friends of yours to move in with you until he moves out?
Is the house yours?
How are your doing this week?
I hope you are safe. Keep posting 💕
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