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I don’t know if this will make sense but my head feels so full – how do I learn to stop all the whys? Not even ‘why me’ because I don’t actually seem to wonder that, more the why is this happening, why can he not see that this isn’t how you treat people, why does he think it’s ok. My sensible head tells me that there is no why, and very little to be gained from trying to work it out but it’s like I can’t stop.
The ‘what ifs’ aren’t far behind – what if I hadn’t said that at that time, what if I’d known that’s what he meant/wanted/needed at the time, would things have been different…then even further back, what if I’d been stronger when I was younger, stood up to him, believed in myself, walked away even, would I be in this mess, with 4 children caught up in it through no fault of their own.
The other why/what if is the image I have of how life could be – the ‘good’ days I suppose..I feel like I’m holding an ideal in my head that has never actually truly existed and that is unlikely ever to.
I know this is all nonsense but I’m hopeful I’m not the only who has felt like this and hopeful that someone has felt like this and has advice on how to change a way of thinking.
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Nope not nonsence at all OMG i day this all the time every day why why does someone who should love care and support you degrading hurt and use you? And yes i say why me i do its nasty and horrible and selfish to say it but i do i see other people doing normal everyday things that i think gosh look at you wow wish i could do that and i ask myslef why me why cant I?
What ifs oh my im full of them. What if i hadnt gone out that night what if i daid no harder louder more what if i hadnt needed to be loved so much what if i hadnt of married him what if i hadnt stayed what if and why on earth am i still here?? Sweetie its not nonsence we are allowed to question our lives but it can drive you nuts it really can and lets be honest here we dont need any more hurt right?
So instead of why and what if lets try now what… lets try I can…. I will…. I am…..
Someone said to me we cant change tbose that hurt us but we can change ourselves and how we react.
I dont know about you but my husband is already sending me batsh*t crazy i dont need anything else inside my head doing the same.
We gotta start to try and talk nicer to ourselves and look foward not back. Sending hugs x -
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Hi beautiful Angel …Everyhopeful321,
What you are feeling and questioning is totally normal for the situation you are in
So please don’t think there is anything wrong in this train of thought
However, the trick is, to try and control it so it doesn’t run away with you
Try not to go back on things, the best thing you can do now is accept the situation you are in … I don’t mean accept it and give up, but you have to know what you are dealing with to move on from it and if you are still questioning everything you haven’t fully accepted it and this will limit your ability to move on
Sometimes things in life happen to us that are bigger than an explanation or at least an immediate explanation. Sometimes we realise things years on from when things have happened to us and then start to see the message in what we are trying to be taught about ourselves, it takes time
Maybe when these thoughts arise write the questions down if you can … you don’t have to answer them, just put them on the page … journaling is a good way to unravel things and sometimes the answers come out of no where
I would also recommend turning the focus onto yourself and start asking questions about yourself, until you understand yourself there is no point questioning anyone elses behaviour, this will also strengthen you and help you set boundaries eventually
What has helped me when things are to big for me to handle or think about is, I hand them over to a power bigger than me …God/the universe/my Angels … whatever you believe in … or want to call it …knowing you are supported by a higher power is comforting to me
When my ex use to hit me I would think if that’s truly OK with you, then only God will judge you … I knew I was to small on my own to get my revenge!
I hope this all makes sense and helps a little
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx -
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