things that are okay vs things that arent

[sewnseeds]

I’ve been having a weird time lately discovering what things I am now comfortable with and what things I’m not since getting out of the abusive relationship. There seems to be such a weird contradiction, and things I thought would be bad are fine and things I thought would be good arent.
For example, I thought I would really struggle with talking openly and honestly with one of our mutual friends about the role he played in my abuse, but he took it really well! On the other hand, I now cant go into the post office by my old house because I posted a present to my ex from there that he was really cruel about. It feels strange how talking about how much I was hurt was okay, but the sight of bubble envelopes set me on edge.

There’s other bits and pieces like that as well. I can’t watch a certain cartoon because he liked it, but I can listen to songs he recommended. I have a toy that he made for me still on a shelf in my parents house, but hearing his name sends me into a panic attack. It feels like a little bit of my ‘normal life’ has been stolen by him. Brains can be so strange sometimes

Anyone else ever get anything like this? Any tips on how to get the normalcy back?

[Karisqq]

I’m sorry to hear that, this must be hard. Firstly, good job on leaving the relationship, you are courageous. It’s normal to avoid things triggering the abuse, since you’ve gone over Sth very traumatising. If you don’t feel ready to talk to your friends, calling emotional support helpline may be helpful, since they don’t know you and they won’t judge you. Secondly, have you considered therapy? It may help you to cope better with those daily stress caused by the abuse and trauma. Although you won’t completely forget it or not being affected by it, at least you got ways to cope and take care of yourself and make your life better. For me, I used to often using what the abuser said to define my self worth or use those words in my self talk, but therapy and supportive friends helped me with replacing those words with the more positive and constructive ones. Although I occasionally still have negative self talk, I’m more hopeful and know that those words aren’t true after all, and I’ll patiently wait those feelings past and try to focus more on the positive ones. So the biggest tip is to seek (professional) help and be kind and patient to yourself. Be patient with your healing and feelings. Do Sth makes you happy. For me, it’s to listen to Bach’s music and play the piano. If you love food, eating Sth you like may help too. Remember, you have done a good job!

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