Thinking about the women these men go on to abuse….

[Healthyarchive]

I am certain my ex is currently dangling 3 or 4 women to different degrees. Possibly having sex with all of them or most certainly with one, but giving them all some sort of hope or promise using charm, flattery and flirtation. I pity these women and the damage that is being done right now on this Wednesday night to these women’s mental state of mind. It is a criminal offence, coercive control, i feel like reporting him to the police. He will be seriously lovebomging/AKA grooming one or more of them, making them think that they have met their soulmate. The women will be walking on air. Or maybe one is currently walking on air, the second is sat looking at her phone wondering why he is not answering her texts after hooking her, the third is sitting heartbroken as she has been used & discarded and the fourth is being bombarded with messages & attention. All of the women will have something he is after, he won’t be with them for their personality. Money, sex, property, status, they will have something he has his eye on. They will all take him at face value and believe him (at first). I would so love to set up a ‘First Wives Club’, i would relish warning these women to watch out for him and to protect their future mental well being.

[Serenity]

Yes, you wish you could shout it from the roof tops, but thing is, I don’t think they would believe you. They are still being manipulated.

I think a general improvement in speaking openly about abuse and educating young people about what healthy relationships are is called for.

So much is done for gay rights, religious freedom, etc, but abuse isn’t focused on enough, and I mean domestic abuse- society’s dirty secret.

[Healthyarchive]

Yes you are right Serenity. I feel sad that he is absolutly ruining womens lives, it is shameful. X*X

[chocolatefudgecake]

The thing is when your blinded in the relationship or even just as his bit on the side you cant see forward or the bad in them, no matter what people tell you. Its there way of letting you be there game that they play. No matter how hard we try they will always have a hold on us

[WalkerInTheRain]

If someone had pulled me to one side at the start of my relationship, I would have probably taken umbridge at their ‘interference’. I was so blinded by the love bombing.
I do feel for whomever he ensnares next but I know there isn’t much I can do about it. A criminal record or custodial sentence won’t change him and he would never stick at therapy or an abusers program. He will continue to get what he wants in life by behaving the way he does.
Unfortunately, his behaviour will probably be worse next time around as he failed to keep me.

[Healthyarchive]

I have fantasies about bringing him down if a woman contacts me with concerns about him. I think about telling her all that happened to me. Why should he get away with destroying womens mental wellbeing and ruining their lives. At the same time, in reality I am not sure that I would do this as a part of me still cares about him. Also I would be worried about stirring up trouble for myself. The thing with these men though, women in 2016 are getting stronger all of the time. There are opportunities for women now that there wasn’t 10 or 20 years ago. Also abuse is more publicized. I don’t think actions like punching, kicking, lying, cheating and mind games will be as tolerated with women as it used to be. These abusers should find it more difficult to keep women I would have thought.

[I am better than this]

The woman my ex is now with, did call me to ask questions about him. But she only did so because she had found out he had started seeing me again. I had no idea he was with anyone after we split up. In fact he’d been seeing her for several months before we parted, a fact she told me herself. Anyway…..I told her about him. His lies. His abusive ways. His controlling ways. How he manipulates. She was mortified. I then told her she would speak to him about what I’d disclosed….and he would convince her I’d lied or that I was a crazy ex…and she would believe him, such is the power of his control. Lots more was said, I can assure you, I didn’t sympathise with a woman who deliberately cheated on her husband, with my husband, as he dragged our son along to their rendezvous.

Yep…..he went to her and told her I’d lied, I was a crazy ex. How do I know? He told me himself!! She believed him and is still with him. Now he’s still playing the good guy, just like he did for a long time with me. But he will get bored. She was TOOOO willing to play into his hands. He will look elsewhere soon. It’s in his nature.

So I agree…these women won’t listen. No more than we would have if someone approached us with the same revelations. And the cycle of abuse continues.

[Healthyarchive]

It is disgusting isn’t it, the deep mental trauma to our lives because of men, abusive men doing illegal things. Coercive Control is now illegal. I would want to have loyalty to a woman if they come to me, I would want to warn them as a way of helping them. But it might not be that straightforward as I might be scared of any backlash from him as you would have to tell the women not to say you had contacted. This woman he is with now Iambetterthanthis, she will be victim to his cheating too, its only a matter of time. I wonder if when that happens she will think to herself, ‘I should have listened to his wife when she contacted me’. I did contact my ex’s wife when we first split, I hoped to get her take on him. She ignored me which was disapointing for me.

[Author]

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