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hi ladies can anyone tell me why the anxiety is so bad of a morning? it wakes me 4’5am ish the feeling of dread sadness not wanting to get up i want to roll over curl up and never wake up again. it exhausts me. once i fight it and get up shower im almost ok its that waking up thats crippling me. i suppose im a way i miss him. but i hate him really really hate him for what hes done and put me through. hes still abusing me even tho hes not here and there is zero contact
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This is very common and it is exhausting as good quality sleep is what we need. Sleep is so very important yet night time is always the worst. It’s a vulnerable time and we are alone with our conflicted thoughts. I find that even when I’m asleep I’m not safe. I have dreams about hm – about us meeting and him giving me closure or saying he’s sorry and wants to try again. You’re d****d if you sleep and d****d if you don’t. This is absolutely one of the worst things about abuse – the fact that it does not end, it continues even though they are not around. It’s a cruel, cruel thing. I wish I had answers, but I’m afraid I don’t. During my waking moment, I sit and read up on abuse until I fall asleep again. Tbh I don’t know if it helps or not as I’m still thinking about him. However, it stops me from thinking overly sentimental thoughts by trying to reinforce my reality. I do sympathise so much and just hope it gets easier.
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I called them the five o’clock frights. And they will lessen as your brain calms itself down. I slept with a low light and radio on so that when I woke scared or from a nightmare, I knew instantly where I was. It really is a dreadful time as sleep deprivation brings its own problems. Just try to keep to a regular sleep pattern. Try to get up at the same time so that when night time comes you’re more exhausted. I think we feel really vulnerable when sleeping and our brain is in such a heightened state of awareness of threat that it’s inevitable this will happen. But it will pass. Just keep any extra stresses out of your life just now and practice mindfulness to calm the body down.
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thanks for your replies ladies. i feel if the gut wrenching feeling went away i would ve ok my head is good my hearts breaking. i an throwing myself into work to keep busy my friend is coming to stay for the weekend i uust want it to stop forget and move on with my life but its not that easy when your emotionally scared
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You got anyone to talk with about how you’re feeling ISS? Sounds like it’s anxiety mixed with the pain of your losses; if you are busying yourself it’s likely you are doing this as a way to cope for now but this means your feelings are left unprocessed. Busying to avoid this pain can be helpful for a time and is needed, it helps a person to get through, but it also means you are avoiding the pain of the loss so it will be there until you feel ready to process how you feel about it all – does this ring any truth for you? Only you will know, just my guess, just throwing it out there to try and help you make sense of it.
I spent a lot of time with my loss and the losses that came with ending it with him, on reflection I can see how that was needed and time well spent in therapy and with my thoughts and the pain; I did a lot of reflective writing.
Good to read your friend is coming, one of the keys to healing really is to pull in your support xx
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i think its just sadness of giving my all and being treated so bad its gutting
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Have you thought about asking your GP for some sleeping tablets just for the short term? I was given sleeping tablets for 14 days and found it helped that I at least got sleep, the anxiety I felt after waking wwas less than without the tablets. Now I do as KIP says, I find especially with just YouTube mindfulness videos I have much less anxiety when I wake up. As for long term I am in therapy but will soon start proper trauma therapy that I hope will be much more beneficial for me, so perhaps this is something worth considering for you too?
It sounds really good with your friend and keep posting x
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i am going to make a GP appointment i cant carry on like this my head is fine my heart is shattered its cruel
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Sadness can feel heavy hey, and on your chest, like waking as if you’ve been sleeping with a breeze block on your chest all night. Anxiety doesnt help either, anxiety and a depressed mood go hand in hand really as the body cant maintain a permanant state of anxiety so it swithces between the hightened state and the low. Some say that anxiety is a guard against depression. Might be a good idea to see the GP, can maybe give you something to get you through for a bit.
I think a lot of it for me was mourning the loss of the life I thought I’d got / was going to have. The crulety came in flash backs, it was like I was looking in on these movie clips with a different mind set now so could really see and feel it for what it was, cruelty, it’s horrid but also an awakening and needed.
As the saying goes reality bites – sure does hey. Hang in there flower and try to give yourself whatever it is you need. We are here for you xx -
hi fizzylem
everything you said has made total sence. everything you have said makes perfect sence i am grieving for something that i will never have i will get through this i have got too i really have too xx -
I use those words too – gut wrenching. That’s what it’s like, like your inside has been ripped apart. How someone could do that to a person they are supposed to love, it’s cruel and heartbreaking. Terrible. I still can’t get my head around it and I need to start or I will be dragged under by him. Giving your all as you said and for this.
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i have spent the evening with my friend chatting about what has happened my friend hated him with a passion. i told him about this forum (my friend is gay and been in abusive relationships too) and how much it has helped me. all he keeps saying is karma karma will get all these abusers oh god i hope its true
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and again thismorning.. i dread waking up the anxiety is so bad
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Hi Iss, I still feel this when I wake up but I can tell you the intensity of it lessens with time. The first few months are the hardest. It feels like somebody has died and the feelings of greif are so intense. It’s almost like you want to vomit with greif pain as soon as you wake up. I remember how intense it was and I wish I could take the pain away for you as I know how incredibly painful that weight felt. It will lessen with time but a trip to your doctor won’t hurt xxxx
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hi faraway i wouldn’t let you go there again it’s too bad. i know it will get better time is a healer im just struggling with the fact hes now living it up with someone else im a mess but her time will come soon she will get what i have been through shes welcome to him..
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It’s a shock to the system the realisation how vulnerable you were / are; how he exploited me / abused me for his own gains – horrible.
Thing is, we are all of us vulnerable all of the time; you’ve got to try and get to a point where you see this and recognise it was him not me – there was actually very little I could have done. Learn that it’s usually ok to be vulnerable – when not in the company of a sadistic control freak, that this is natural, that we are all vulnerable and that’s ok because that’s simply how it is.
Might feel scary atm to feel as vulnerable as you do – but this is part of the healing, coming to see this and doing what you need to do to feel ‘safe enough’ again in the world with this new found awareness that you are always vulnerable.
Our pre exsiting assumptions become shattered – but we build new, more resilant ones to replace these.
Most of us live in a false state with the false belief that we are safe, e.g. it wont happen to me, that’ll never happen, until something like this does happen. There are things we can do to reduce risks yes for sure, but no one is ever really fully safe from harm.
Its a shock to feel I didnt really see it coming hey.
You will get through this ISS, you simply can not keep a good woman down, you will rise again, stronger and wiser. This will not happen again, you’ve learnt too much and will see the red flags in future and do what is needed to protect yourself and guard aginst men like this, its kind of like once you’ve seen it you can never unsee it.
For now just take extra special care of you and pull in all the support you can. Hugs x
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i WILL NEVER trust again
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