This Christmas/New Year

[Hereforhelp]

This time last year I had got out of a long term abusive marriage… I was a mess last year, filled with guilt, self doubt and at that pint craving him…fast forward
I have been having fun meeting new people and going out to new places…
I have saved enough to financially provide for my family..
I have decorated on and off this past year or so… that helped my teenagers apparently.. thry have both said that they like the change ..
My children and I are all in therapy for PTSD and discuss openly…
I am finding my own hobbies and activities which I enjoy.

Yes it is still difficult as ex financially controls still but… life is better in every way than what it was when I stayed in that relationship for over (detailed removed by Moderator) decades….

Leaving is hard but it is so worth weathering all the self doubt, guilt (Google FOG, Fear Obligation Guilt) and if you can deffo go no contact, that’s when you really start to heal with the right support ❤ you are all amazingly strong no matter where you are on this journey

[Footballfan1]

Lovely post Hereforhelp,
This made me feel so happy.
You are brave, strong and a fantastic mother.
Don’t ever forget that.
You offer so much help on the forum, we all appreciate your openess and honesty.

I’m looking forward to my first abuse free Christmas in decades, and I’m looking forward to a year’s time, where me and the kids will hopefully be in a similar position that you just described.

I have a supportive IDVA, she sent me the most amazing message that brought happy tears to my eyes.
It was something like this-

You’re not doing anything wrong in not allowing contact, and remember you are in this position because of his behaviour not yours. You are simply making sure your boys are safe.
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make Christmas perfect, but in your position it’s just not possible this year and that’s his fault not yours. Just do what you need to do to get through it this year. Theres is no rule book. Next year will be so much better for you and the boys. This horrible time is only temporary. Try to remember that.

[nbumblebee]

What a lovely heart warming post.
🩷🩷🩷

[twinkletwinklekitty]

Just what I needed to read. Thank you.

[Author]

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