this is from the last womens aid survey interesting

[diymum@1]

Domestic abuse and the
impact on children
Mother-child relationship
Domestic abuse can have a profound impact
on the mother-child relationship and children’s
recovery from the experience is closely linked
to the recovery of their mother. As such,
providing specialist support and safety to the
mother is important not only for her but also
for her child(ren) (Thiara and Harrison, 2016;
Katz, 2014). One study describes children and
mothers as both ‘recovery-promoters’ for each
other (Katz, 2014). A mother’s ability to care
for her children may be negatively affected by
her experiences of abuse (Thiara and Harrison,
2016). In many cases perpetrator(s) often
deliberately attempt to undermine the motherchild relationship (Katz, 2014). Refuges and
community-based support play an invaluable
role in rebuilding mother-child relationships
and reducing the long-term harm to children
by providing safe space, specialist support and
access to counselling and play therapy.
Harm to children
The many negative impacts of domestic abuse
on children have been well-documented, and
responsibility for these harms lies clearly with
the perpetrator(s) of domestic abuse and not
with the domestic abuse survivor/non-abusive
parent.
These harms include children becoming
anxious or fearful, experiencing developmental
delays and learning difficulties, developing
sleeping problems, having speech/language
difficulties (Mullender et al, 2002; Thiara and
Harrison, 2016), and disempowerment and
isolation from friends and family (Katz, 2016).
There is evidence to suggest that perpetrators
of domestic abuse often also perpetrate direct
abuse against any child(ren) in the household
(Radford et al, 2011; Sidebotham et al, 2016;
Thiara & Harrison, 2016). This may also include
using coercive and controlling tactics against
or involving a child(ren) (Callaghan et al, 2015;
Katz, 2016).

[diymum@1]

so if you need to refer to written evidence based findings from womens aid these are the references to them. handy if you want to show for custody issues how this is proven to affect kids and how it damages there relationship with their mother xx

[fizzylem]

Thanks DM x*x

[Twisted Sister]

Thanks for posting that!

It’s always surprised me that this myth is promoted that perps capable of such harmful acts against a woman are only against the woman, as a perp is a perp, they are this person who has all these abusive tactics. They are not different people,it’s who they are through and through

[Lavenderrose]

This is happening with me and my two right now. They are soooo much happier being away from the horrible house we lived in with the ex. My toddler has suffered a lot with bad skin and now suddenly it’s clearing up. She’s sleeping better, less anxious too x

[diymum@1]

yeh TS the thing is college professors have researched the fact that an abusive partner is always an abuser in some way to his kids. so why are the courts saying other wise xxxx is it because theyre good at hiding the fact because theyre more covert – (court detail removed by moderator). 

[diymum@1]

it shows in all forms including physical like eczema- bed wetting – becoming introverted – angry the list goes on xxxx something has to change x

[BeautyMarked]

This is interesting. My son wasn’t a direct witness to my abuse but he still lives with the effects as the impact to me has been so enormous and he’s aware I’ve been through an ordeal and lost a baby. I wonder if any of this could be applied to my case. My relationship with all my family has been severely impacted by all this. It doesn’t help that they don’t understand what I’ve been through. They have no idea about abuse and I get the whole let it go and move on which just sends me into a spin.

[diymum@1]

(Radford et al, 2011; Sidebotham et al, 2016;

so;

Appendix 2: About Adverse Childhood Experiences
Adverse Childhood Experiences are “intra-familial events or conditions causing chronic stress responses in the child’s immediate environment. These include notions of maltreatment and deviation from societal norms”. The landmark Adverse Childhood Experience Study conducted by Kaiser-Permanente in America involved surveying 17,000 people about their childhood experiences and health. For the first time, a relationship was observed between childhood adversity and lifelong impact in the domains of:

Injury and death during childhood;
Premature mortality and suicide;
Disease and illness; and
Mental illness.
Impacts affected immediate and long-term health with significant costs over one’s lifetime. For example, studies consistently show strong, graded associations between childhood adversity and risk of adult substance misuse, development of anxiety and depression and suicide risk, as well as poor physical health including development of long term conditions like heart disease and cancer among others. Findings in the United States have been replicated in the UK.

The findings are compelling and indicate that the cost to our communities is tremendous and deserving of focused attention. There is a growing body of evidence that high quality support can make a real difference to a person’s ability to cope with the impact of abuse, and that the benefits of providing such supports are worth it: to people, to communities and to our society. The Scottish Public Health Network observes the importance of creating a culture of compassion that links individual experienctions.

[diymum@1]

Briefing: Domestic Abuse and Child Contact
“Imagine having to stay with someone who scares you so much your tummy hurts. The
whole time you are wishing you were home where you feel safe.” – Child
In spite of increasing understanding about the dynamics of domestic abuse, it is sometimes
still assumed that once a woman has left an abusive partner, the abuse will stop. In reality,
for many women and children abuse continues or intensifies after separation (Thiara and
Harrison, 2016). Murders of women and children where there is a history of domestic abuse
frequently take place at the point of separation (Wilson and Daly, 2002; Smith et al., 2011).
In addition to post-separation harassment, stalking and violence, perpetrators often use the
legal system to continue to exert power and control over women and children, particularly
through child contact proceedings (Bancroft and Silverman, 2002).
The use of child contact proceedings by a perpetrator can affect women in multiple ways.
Women experience stress, anxiety and fear at being made to face the perpetrator in court.
Perpetrators may use repeat applications to the court to routinely disrupt women’s lives,
sometimes for years at a time and often leading to significant financial strain (Coy et al.,
2015).
The negative impact for women is further compounded by stark differences in the treatment
of domestic abuse between family courts and child protection agencies. Women are told by
child protection professionals that they should leave abusive men to safeguard their children;
conversely in child contact proceedings, domestic abuse and accompanying issues of safety
and protection post-separation are persistently minimised and it is expected that women
should facilitate contact despite these issues (Hester 2011; Harrison, 2008). Indeed, women
who oppose father-child contact, express serious concerns for their children’s safety or
request supervised contact arrangements can be perceived by courts as “non-collaborative”
or “hostile”, rather than having legitimate concerns (Harrison, 2006).
In spite of the substantial evidence that domestic abuse is harmful to children, perpetrators’
abusive behaviour is frequently separated from their parenting capacity rather than being
seen as the parenting choice it is. More often than not, contact is awarded to abusive fathers
in spite of women’s and children’s concerns. This pro-contact philosophy can dismiss
children’s voices and experiences, leading to a selective approach to their views in court –
there is evidence that children are believed if they say they want contact, but that they are
Scottish Women’s Aid is a Charity Registered in Scotland: Charity No. SC001099
more likely to be ignored or over-ruled if they say they do not want
contact (Harrison, 2008; Holt, 2011; see SWA’s participation
project, Power Up/Power Down, for children and young people’s recommendations for
improving children’s voices being heard in child contact proceedings).
Ongoing contact with a perpetrator can have harmful effects for children; evidence shows
that perpetrators may neglect children during contact visits, put them at risk and subject
them to abuse (Thiara and Harrison, 2016). Children are often afraid to resist contact, but
those who have contact with perpetrators can display a range of effects before and after
contact visits, such as fear, anxiety and distress, expressed through behaviours such as
being withdrawn, clingy, bedwetting, anger and nightmares (Thiara and Gill, 2012). In
addition, children are often used as a tool by perpetrators to attempt to control women; they
may be manipulated during contact visits to get information about women’s movements and
relationships, undermine mothers to children, and coach children to make negative
comments and repeat abusive messages (Holt et al., 2008; Coy et al., 2012). Perpetrators
may also use child contact arrangements as an opportunity to further inflict emotional and
physical abuse on women, e.g.; during handovers. In such circumstances, contact with the
perpetrator poses as a barrier to women’s and children’s recovery from domestic abuse.
Women can face the agonising choice of facilitating ongoing contact with a perpetrator in
spite of safety concerns and against children’s wishes, or risking sanctions for not complying
with contact orders.
There is a clear need for better understanding and recognition among courts and
professionals of how contact proceedings and arrangements can be used to continue abuse
of women and children. The links between child protection and child contact need to be more
clearly made, and children’s right to be safe from violence and abuse must be prioritised
above parents’ entitlements over their children. Children’s recovery is widely linked to that of
their mother’s (Mullender et al., 2002); therefore consideration of children’s welfare and
safety alongside that of their mother should be a key factor when making decisions about
contact. If there is a risk that women and children will be unsafe, contact should not be
awarded. Women’s concerns about their child’s safety and wellbeing should not be
dismissed as ‘hostile’ but carefully explored; research demonstrates that the majority of
women who have experienced domestic abuse try to promote contact when they feel it is
safe and in their child’s best interests (Hunt and McLeod, 2008; Thiara and Gill, 2012;
Morrison, 2015). It is also essential that children’s views and experiences are taken into
account and meaningfully considered in decision-making.
Scottish Women’s Aid is a Charity Registered in Scotland: Charity No. SC001099
References
Bancroft, L., Silverman, J. and Ritchie, D. (2012 2nd edition) The
Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics.
Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Coy, M., Scott, E., Tweedale, R. and Perks, K. (2012) ‘Picking up the Pieces: Domestic
Violence and Child Contact’, London, Rights of Women/ Child and Woman Abuse Studies
Unit, London Metropolitan University.
Coy, M., Scott, E., Tweedale, R. and Perks, K. (2015) ‘“It’s like going through the abuse
again”: domestic violence and women and children’s (un)safety in private law contact
proceedings.’ Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law, 37:1, 53-69
Harrison, C. (2006). ‘Dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t? The contradictions
between public and private law.’ In C. Humphreys, & N. Stanley (Eds.), Domestic violence
and child protection: Directions for good practice (pp. 137–155). London: Jessica Kingsley
Harrison, C. (2008). ‘Implacably hostile or appropriately protective?: Women managing child
contact in the context of domestic violence.’ Violence Against Women, 14, 381–405.
Hester, M. (2011). ‘The three planet model: Towards an understanding of contradictions in
approaches to women and children’s safety in contexts of domestic violence.’ British Journal
of Social Work, 41, 837–853.
Holt, S., Buckley, H. and Whelan, S. (2008), ‘The Impact of Exposure to Domestic Violence
on Children and Young People’, Child Abuse and Neglect, 32 (8), 797-810.
Holt, S. (2011) ‘Domestic abuse and child contact: positioning children in the decision
making process’, Child Care in Practice, 17 (4), 327-346.
Humphreys, C., and Mullender, A. (2000)
Hunt, J., & Macleod, A. (2008). ‘Outcomes of applications to court for contact orders after
parental separation or divorce’. London: Ministry of Justice.
Morrison, F. (2015) ‘’All over now?’ The ongoing relational consequences of domestic abuse
through children’s contact arrangements’, Child Abuse Review, 24 (4), 274-284.
Mullender, A., Hague, G., Imam, G., Kelly, L., Malos, E., and Regan, L. (2002) Children’s
Perspective on Domestic Violence, London, Sage.
Smith, K., Coleman, K., Eder, S. and Hall, P. (2011) ‘Homicides, Firearm Offences and
Intimate Violence 2009/2010’. London: Home Office.
Scottish Women’s Aid is a Charity Registered in Scotland: Charity No. SC001099
Thiara, R. and Gill, A. (2012) ‘Domestic Violence, Child Contact
and Post Separation Violence: Issues for South Asian and AfricanCaribbean Women and Children; A Report of Findings’, London, NSPCC.
Thiara, R. and Harrison, C. (2016) ‘Safe not sorry: supporting the campaign for safer child
contact. Key issues raised by research on child contact and domestic violence.’ Women’s
Aid.
Wilson, M. and Daly, M. (2002) Homicide. New York: Aldine de Gruyter

[diymum@1]

so im doing abit off research because im planning on writing a letter to some off the MPs in my area what better time than now when they are looking at the family courts over the next month xxxxx

hope your not all thinking OMG lol

[Twisted Sister]

Implacably hostile or appropriately protective?:

That so struck me as the basis of the court systems view, and anti women stance.

How often do courts view it as the latter!!! They don’t, I’ve heard it so often, you have to show willing/compromise.

This is what solicitors/barristers tell their clients.

…but no, this is not about making unsafe compromises.

It’s important to be implacable. This is not a game with your childrens lives.

Why can’t this simple stance on protection be acknowledged as a good thing. Why wouldn’t a beaten down woman feel implacably hostile, it seems the most natural consequence in the world.

All the constant pretending and trying to be something else all the time. Damaging.

A woman is both, just called the negative outer aspect of the positive inner intent.

Go you! It’s awesome what you’re doing diymum@1

Every strength for your quest and wishes for success in bringing some positive change.

TS

[diymum@1]

when i went through this TS i dug in quite deep but i had time limit as i had 0ne month! im going to dig abit deeper into the research because the courts surely cant ignore that? it is very frustrating and n my minds eye i want to pursue this in the next career i choose. ive taken ages deliberating what i want to do next but i think im going in the direction off helping kids going though this perhaps becoming a counsellor who can help document for women and kids xxxx

[Lisa]

Thank you for sharing this diymum@1 and wishing you all the best with your research.

Here is the link to the full report for those interested;

Survival and Beyond: the Domestic Abuse Report

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Apricotpoppy]

Thanks for that DIY . It is frightening to read but great that so much research is getting pulled together. It has inspired me as well in the direction I can take with my further studies once I am feeling strong enough.

From reading this I am wondering should I not worry that he only has a couple of gours contact a week because I was pushing for more but maybe less is best ??

Keep up the good work !
All the best
Apricotpoppy xx

[diymum@1]

Less is best ☺ I have no doubt in my mind looking at the research. I’m looking at the voice off the child that is a huge mine field! I think there’s a massive gap and need here for women to be supported. I believe it’s only us survivors that can really do this job well. Because we know how it feels. Although you and me both know how it is to endure abuse over a long time. This by far is the hardest off all struggles when they use our kids against us. This one lies very close to my heart so I want to do this, start some studies in this field and try to help. X*x

I’d love to open a centre here where I live and have access to good legal advice and support in therapy for women and kids.xx make this really hard journey a bit smoother x

[Author]

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