This is me

[TinkaBella]

Thank you for all your kind posts. I am having a much better day, however wanted some clarify around his common ‘scapegoat’. When I try to mention his temper; the way he speaks to me; the swearing; the aggression etc his response is always the same…This is me, it’s just what I do, I was like that when you met me and have been like it ever since; I’m not changing for anyone so if you don’t like it f**k off. He’s right to an extent, I have always seen this trait in him but perhaps it’s only now that I’m realising it’s not right and I don’t want to be treated this way. So where do I go from here? Can someone change when they don’t think they are doing anything wrong? He says I’m the only one who pushes his buttons and makes him angry but I don’t know what it is that I do!? Am I wrong for sticking up for myself, very confused.

[KIP.]

You don’t do anything wrong. He enjoys abusing you. It makes him feel good. Would he behave this way to you in front of the police? He knows it’s wrong. Ask yourself why you want to be with someone who treats you with such contempt and hostility. He choseS to abuse you and he won’t change. But you can change.

[Beautifulday]

Firstly anyone who tells you to F off does not care about you, my H tells me this plus other nasty words and because I was so trauma bonded actually still but getting better I used to overlook these swear words , only recently when I told my friend she was horrified she said her partner had never ever in all the years they had been together told her to f off or shut the f up. It kind of opened my eyes. I dont swear at my H. If he’s telling you to F off if you don’t like it call his bluff and do it, he obviously has no respect for you because if he did he would listen to your concerns and you being upset rather than dismiss them

[Beautifulday]

The last bit of that came out wrong.. I was repeating what he said “f off if you don’t like it” x*x

[gettingtired]

Yes whenever I tell mine I dont like the vile swear words he calls me directs at me in an argument he says I’m just using that as a cop out from the ‘real issues’. I’m actually used to being called a b***h, c**t when he’s really mad. He’s even said nasty things about my weight (I’m not even overweight but even if I was it’s not right) and whenever I’m upset after when he’s back to normal he just brushes it off saying he said that to p**s me off 🤔🙄 x

[TinkaBella]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. Just knowing you’re not the only one going through this and not being over sensitive is a comfort. It’s strange how we almost normalise these vile words and abusive language. What really makes it hit home is when you say about speaking to friends…I’m sure mine would be horrified if they knew that’s how I’m spoken to. If it were the other way round and a friend was telling me her partner tells her to F off; calls her a fat c**t etc I would say that is completely unacceptable…so why do we put up with it?!?! Take care everyone and thanks again x

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