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Hi all, finding this time of year incredibly difficult, being away from friends and family. Unable to even send Xmas wishes to friends. I am lonely, but trying to pull it together for my child. Her father has not even sent a Xmas card via third person (detail removed by Moderator). I am trying to put a brave face on but am feeling so emotional, this year triggers all sorts of bad memories, I fell guilty that I have taken my child away from their family and continue to feel scared as I know he is up to something- its not like home to be so quiet, especially this time of year. I feel like curling up and hiding until Xmas is over, but know I can’t!
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Dear Benson
Don’t doubt yourself you did the right thing for your child and yourself.
I have stop contact with friends so it will make it harder for me to be found.
A cosy Christmas isn’t a bad thing, you can use it as a time for new traditions doing what ever you want.
Don’t be hard on yourself things will get better.
FS x
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Hi Benson,I remember you were one of the first ladies to speak to me when I first came on here. You sounded so strong and as if you’d take no s..t
You’ve done so well getting away from him, but I so understand how alone you must be feeling, it’ll be hard but this is the first Christmas, your other ones will be better. I agree with making new traditions, maybe in the future it could be a good time to go on holiday or just away for a few days, whatever it takes, remember, we do what we do to survive. And you my friend are one helluva survivor💜💜🤗
Take care and blessings to youIWMB 💕💕
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Hello Benson
Happy Christmas to you all also. In same position as you. Not a single Christmas card from birth family or ex husband. We’re moving beyond it. My teenager is cooking the Christmas dinner. Doing very well. I am celebrating this as an achievement as there is a lot of maths involved with the timings of all the veg etc. I am just about to have a bath and put clean clothes on. Have tidied up and aiming to keep things organised for the new year. Nothing earth shattering but I am valuing the ordinary.Christmas for many is all about hype. Behind closed doors those who are experiencing conflict and abuse are probably in their thousands in number. Trying to be glad we are peaceful and safe. Not homeless.
Had a bad cold but okay now.Thinking of you all. Peaceful Christmas to aim for here.
all best
ftc
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I’m back again and nobody needs to read this self-pitying rant but I am SO angry. I know I musn’t keep ranting on as if I was the only woman to experience this but he really is driving me crazy. He’s the textbook definition of gaslighting only he’s very, very clever about it. What am I supposed to do when he keeps up this image (for the many years we’ve been married) of Mr F… ing perfect who never, ever does anything except creepily try to convince me that I am being unreasonable/unfriendly/sarcastic when what happens is he upsets me by doing something I’ve clearly asked him not to, and explained calmly why it’s important to me, then carries on doing it so I get upset and angry. He then tells me I’m being unreasonable etc and remains chillingly calm while talking to me in a very soft voice and looking at me with a sort of concerned pity, as in oh dear, she’s being unreasonable again when all I’m doing is trying to help…
Then I start a cycle of FOG and get angry with myself, want to hit myself, scream into a pillow and wait to see if this ia going to be the cause of him having another affair, because ladt time it was my fault… apparently.
I am so angry I’ve wasted so many years with this man and lost so much.
I feel like nothing will ever change and that makes me more frightened because I’m getting older and can’t get a mortgage on my own (I had my first mortgage in my late twenties, with no help from parents or anyone else – just did casual work at weekends to supplement my regulat income and didn’t spend much for a year. The flat I sold when I married him is worthso much money now, and I’m living in a grotty rented place because of him.
Sorry, that really doea sound self-pitying. If I ever get through this I’m going to do everything I can to help other women who are going through gaslightng. It’s terrifying and in his case, almost nothing can be proven and he knows it.
Sorry, I really do know I’m not the only one. -
Well done Coach, it’s better out than in as they say. Plus you’re noticing his behaviour now, my OH is like yours, quiet spoken, as if he’s done nothing wrong, always right. he’s only looking out for me, protecting me from myself. I get so blo..y angry that I too eventually start shouting and acting’ crazy’. he’s making me crazy, but I’m NOT crazy. I recently spoke to a psychologist recently and she said that I was very sane in an insane situation. I was angry at him for the years I’ve lost with my children, I’m not now, he’s taught me what I won’t accept from anyone in my life never mind a man, it’s taken a very long time, decades in fact, but I’ve learnt, I see that I’m a strong, independent, passionate(not in a sexual way)woman, the psychologist told me that’s who she saw, I’ve just not seen me in so long.
Keep posting, don’t feel bad at being angry or writing too much. I write more about me every time I read someone else’s story, it’s like their story is releasing mine at the same time.i think that’s how this forum really works. It’s not about accepting their behaviour and being nicer to them, it’s about gaining strength and hiding it from them.Take care my friend, you can do this. 💜💜
IWMB 💕💕
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Thank you IWMB. Your situation and mine have many similarities. People think ny husband is a really good guy, which is so frustrating.
I’m crying so have to mop myself up (am in bathroom) because you’re being so kind and I don’t deserve it. Really hope a miracle will happen and I can get strong enough to help other women, as you and many other people on here do. -
You will get there my love, I promise. By posting on here you are learning about abusive behaviour and that it is absolutely not your fault that your oh treats you the way he does, he chooses to😡 my oh thinks he’s a good guy too and the thing is they are, and to us at times, that’s why this hurts so much and is so confusing. It’s no wonder we think we’re going crazy, everything that’s said is so subtle, and so fu..ing believable. You can pm me if you want I’m more than happy to talk one to one 💜 I’ll be away for a wee while shortly. You can do this, we’re here to listen unconditionally we are you and you are us. This is our time, is è ar n-am anois (our time is now) whenever you choose to leave, know it is your journey and no-one else. It’s done at your pace💜
Blessings and strength to you #21stcenturysuffragettesIWMB 💕💕
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Hello there,
By posting here you are helping others.
A counsellor I asked once about the reason why no one else could see his abusive behaviour showed me two pictures and said he had a ‘Mr. Nice’ face and a ‘Mr. Nasty’ face.
I didn’t quite believe it was that simple. But I do now.
Agree that others stories unlock those of mine and other peoples.
Hang in there
ftc
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