This time of year is a struggle

[Starting-again]

I’ve actually had a good and positive week, I’ve been feeling like I’ve reached the acceptance stage instead of constantly questioning why all this happened.
It’s not been at the front of my mind constantly, I have felt relaxed for the first time in a long time, feeling like nothing he can do can hurt me anymore.
Then today I’ve finally got the tree out to decorate. I’ve been putting it off, but I have to do it for the kids.
And all I’ve done is cry. Part of my acceptance has been realising he doesn’t care that I’m gone, he’s got a new supply and he didn’t care in all the years we were together. But today I’ve just cried non stop. Cried for the person I used to be. I’ve cried for all the times I begged him to put me first. I’ve cried for the future I thought I would have with him after all the fake promises.And I’ve cried because I feel so alone even though I have people around me.
And a little part of me cried because I am still in love with the person I wanted him to be.
This time of year just seems to magnify loneliness. Every tv advert is happy families.
I have more good days than bad at the moment, I blame the stupid Christmas tree for opening the emotions.

[Hereforhelp]

I feel you with this, last year was the first without him, it was very emotional, I binned the tree and Decorations afterwards. This year we have new (donated) Decorations and a small tree… it made me feel better, the old was part of our family tradition and for me, I had to change as our lived have changed.
It is good to cry and grieve and can hit you at any point. You are doing so well keeping on pushing forward, I know.how hard it can be when emotions catch you unawares ❤️

[nbumblebee]

Gosh your post broke my heart.
Im still here and i alao sit and cry for all the same reasons.
Please dont feel alone there are so many of us here sitting right beside you.
Could you maybe now make new memories for xmas? Do something you wouldnt have been allowed or able to do when he was around?
For me i would just love to sit in my PJs all day watching trashy films with the kids eating popcorn drinking mulled wine then order in a big fat chinese just something simple, id love to go to a pantomime or a show but he hates them so we dont go or drjve around with the kids looking at xmas lights? It doesnt have to cost but just something new that will make you smile and remember how far you have come and how amazing you are doing.
Dont cry for what you have lost smile for what you can now achieve. Sending hugs x

[Starting-again]

Thank you ❤️
This is the first year we have not been in contact over this time of year and it’s been strange. I’m still in early stages and some days I’m great and others, like today, it comes out of no where and it hits.
But a good cry does help.
Sadly mine are to old for pantomime now, I’d love to be able to do stuff like that because I didn’t when I could have.
But it’s true, this year is about making new memories. I can’t wait for the new year and a completely fresh year that he’s never going to be part of.

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