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So, I don’t know who to go to about this. Basically, my abuser had s** with me when I was blackout drunk and underage. This abuser (I saw him as a brother) was with a member of my family, who I adore more than anything. Because of shame, I never mentioned it, and it happened again and again and again. For years.
Currently dating someone, I really like him. But I never expected us to date. So, he knows my abusers name, and he’s gonna meet this family member, who still talks about her ex. The one who abused me. I don’t want to mention it, I can’t, I hate myself. The guy I’m dating is going to find out, I’m scared he will think I’m horrible, won’t trust me. I really can’t cope with the guilt. How could I do this to someone I love so much?
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Hi NeedSomeClarity,
It’s a difficult position to be in, but you’ve not done anything wrong. It’s your abuser who is at the root of this situation, he used the fact that you felt ashamed about what happened as part of his control and to continue the abuse for years. You don’t owe anyone knowledge of what you went through, however much you love them, opening up or not is an entirely personal decision.
As the abuse started when you were a child, you could contact NAPAC (The National Association of People Abused in Childhood) for some support and to discuss the ongoing impact of the abuse. Their helpline is 0808 801 0331, (10am – 9pm Monday – Thursday, 10am – 6pm Friday).
Take care and keep posting,
Lisa -
@lisa thank you for replying, what confuses me is why I stuck around him for so long. I feel like I’ve betrayed the people I love most and I’m a terrible person 🙁 Why would I go along with something that I hate and don’t want? I was of the age of consent (UK) but not yet a legal adult, which makes me feel like I was responsible 🙁
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