** (timeframe removed)

[Pineapplepie]

Do you ever try keep the peace or agree with him so other people don’t hear, do you ever cry in silence so no one hears.
(timeframe removed by Moderator) he’s punched me in the arm (number removed by Moderator) times, slapped my arms and head, he’s grabbed hold of my wrists really hard, he’s sworn and shouted and called me names and asked me the same questions on repeat for over a hour.

hes was trying to put all these events together and coming up with all these stories on how im this big cheat.

ive tried to be so quiet so my children and neighbours don’t hear because im so ashamed.fortunately the children stayed asleep but im sure all around us may have heard him.

i tried to tell him i dont deserve to be hit whatever he’s thinks of me but he says he’s so angry and I’ve mentally hurt him

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Yes. Silence is the soil in which abuse thrives and grows.

[Pineapplepie]

He has been like this (timeframe removed by Moderator), slapped me in the face and cornered me in rooms, blocking the door.
telling me I can be in the same room as him and the kids.

i didn’t cry (timeframe removed by Moderator), just agreed with him to try and make him stop shouting, about how rubbish I am, how I don’t deserve him and he’s too good for me.

 

[Cherries]

Even with my non violent current partner (big on twisting things/guilt trip/DARVO not actually physical stuff) I find myself doing this.

Also I was raised in a very controlling household/had a violent partner in the past…every instance the same. ‘We don’t talk about it outside’ and peace relied on my silence/compliance.

Is it because you’re ashamed or because if other people found out the expectations to leave/possible repercussions would be too much to deal with.

I had a neighbour enquire after me once. I avoided her ever since that day. I wasn’t ready to leave then and I couldn’t handle others perceptions.  Pity. Disbelief if you were honest. Annoyance that you don’t just walk away, as if it should be easy (its not) Shame that I ALLOW it. Not really but…no choice sometimes.

All of these complex feelings/interactions and more are what keep us stuck there, never mind the fear of what happens after. The great unknown

I hope you are OK. Take the easy days when they come, and on the hard ones observe and learn if you can. Use it to fuel your escape. If you want out but you’re not ready, put tiny things in place to make it easier if you do decide to go x

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you, I think I’m ashamed that I’ve let this happen and that I put up with it. I like to think if we didn’t have children I would have left by now but then I was happening before them.

timeframe removed by Moderator) he’s hardly spoken to me and taken one of our children out with him all day. He didn’t seem impressed when he realised I’d taken the other child out, I think he expected me to stay at home. But then when I tried to talk to my older child at home he called him away or told him to go with him. I think this might be an incite to what he’d be like with the children if I left . He does sometimes spend time with them but not as much as today and at home he tends to want to sit on his own and watch Tv so I think he’s trying to punish me?

[Lilachummingbird]

Sending love

Ive got so good at crying in silence when I am going to sleep. Crying antagonises him more.

I get the feeling of shame- in my head I know it’s not my fault and that people would be horrified if they knew but I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. That’s why we don’t talk about it to many people.

[Cherries]

These people make me so angry. As if everything else wasn’t bad enough, using kids as pawns/weapons is the lowest of the low and it hurts the kids too. They just have no shame. Can’t win with them…no matter what you do they’re going to block it because there’s just nothing they won’t stoop to. Us on the other hand care so we have to ‘behave’ to minimise impact on children.

Just so so wrong 😞

[Author]

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