Tired

[Happybelle]

So it’s been several months now and I’ve moved my life far away. With the drama of getting him out my house and then renovating to sell up and go, the moving and settling elsewhere I’m now so tired. Have also realised I’m only now just able to start dealing with everything that’s happened. My family are all upbeat and making jokes about dating but I’m still so broken. They don’t know how bad it got and they wouldn’t understand anyway. Nobody does unless you’ve been through it. They all think “I’d never let that happen” or they’d just say no if they didn’t like something. Easy to say unless you’re in it.

now all I want to do is sleep or cry then get on with building up again.

Getting away is amazing and I’m so glad but it’s such a long process I hope healing doesn’t drag on so long!

[Lisa]

Hi Happybelle,

Thank you for posting. It is understandable you feel as you do, it is exhausting to navigate. In case it helps in processing what you have been through, there are free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries. You can find details here.

Take care and keep posting when you can.

Lisa

[Sad and alone]

Well done for getting to where you are now. Don’t feel like you should be doing things, if you’re not ready you’re not ready. I imagine everyone’s different and how you think you may be could be different to how you actually are. You’ve been through a lot.
Getting some counselling or self help would be a good idea. It may give you some insight or tools on how to feel better. Like you say no one understands this unless you’ve been through it, so keep posting here as well. I wish I was as strong as you xx

[Happybelle]

Thanks ladies – useful tip on Bloom aswell. I’ll look in to that 🙂

[swanlake]

I also feel super tired. After many years of no contact I’m in occasional email contact with my abuser to regarding a financial legal matter and I just get nonsensical garbage from him. It’s exhausting. Each time I read an email it takes a week in bed to recover. I work part time but apart from that I’m horizontal at the moment.

I moved far away from my abuser too and wonder how that affects my recovery, not seeing places that we used to frequent etc. And of course not having to avoid him when I’m out and about.

Renovating and moving house is tiring enough without an abuser in the mix too. These days I enjoy restful restorative hobbies like gardening and yoga. I’m not usually quite so bedbound.

[EvenSerpentsShine]

Hi HappyBelle Hi all. I’m still going through the sorting out the separation bit. I can see though, that when the dust settles I will feel like you. Very tired. For me too I can imagine that just looking at the wreckage that’s left will be depressing. I feel it will have been like getting caught in one of those natural disasters like a flood or fire or earthquake.

I suppose that’s one way to keep it in perspective! Except all those people get an enormous insurance payout and we don’t!
I wonder if you’re feeling any better, I guess that your energy will come back again after a while.

So far I’ve worked on a “fake it ‘til you make it” principle. It’s my best guess at what might work. I know it feels weird because we can’t fake it to ourselves, so probably feel really weird and tired and disconnected in ourselves. But the principle still works…keep going and one day we’ll just realise we haven’t thought about them all day!!

 

[Tian]

Hello all,

HappyBelle I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this. I can understand that you feel very tired.

After a few months out I realised I had developed a stammer, a nervous twitch and a droopy eyelid.  I thought of them as combat scars. After a few more months they went away. I guess our nervous systems have to reset themselves? It must take tremendous internal energy, and also a period of time. So I guess the best we can do is eat right, drink water, get fresh air, take naps and keep our commitments minimal.

If anyone knows more about the neurology side I would be interested to hear it.

Also: I guess the tiredness will come back for a while each time we hit a new stage of having to deal with things. Like, you know, selling the house.

Take good care of yourself and stay strong xx

[Author]

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