Tough day

[NewAmsterdam]

I’m a stay at home mum but applying for jobs at the moment. After a very busy day of running around none stop, my husband came home from work in a foul mood.

When I was putting the kids to bed by myself whilst he was lying on the bed on his phone, I mentioned to him that I had a busy day as well.

I know I shouldn’t have said anything. I know his temper. But I was so so tired.

He got mad telling me (detail removed by moderator). It really stang. He wouldn’t know what I do all day. He never asks. Recently he spent all day in bed, calling on sick after drinking too much and I never said anything to him.

If he thinks so badly of me, why doesn’t he leave? I’ve tried to seperate, but he won’t let me.

Not stopped crying 😢

[AlwaysSorry]

Hi there NA and welcome to the forum,

While I’ve not had the good fortune of becoming a mother myself, I have so much respect for mothers whether they are staying home or out there working, cause there is so much on their plates if they have a husband like yours 🙁 Because you are not just sat around all day, you are taking care of the children, cleaning up, tidying, doing laundry, making breakfast, lunch, snacks, probably dinner as well, then the dishes and the list goes on. There’s a reason why nannies, au pairs and daycare exists… So I completely understand why that comment was so hurtful and completely out of order!

Have you spoken with WA? Their number is on the top of this website and they are there to chat with 24/7, you can even have them call you at a time that suits you so you don’t have to worry about your husband hearing any of it. I would call them, talk to them about how you are feeling, how you are being belittled and called names. If separation is still something you would like, they can help you with that too. Your husband doesn’t control that – if you want out, WA can help with a plan to get you out.

Keep posting on here and just remember you are none of the bad things he calls you, absolutely not

[NewAmsterdam]

Hi AS,

Thank you so much for your reply. I feel so alone. I have no one to talk to but had to reach out today. There are so many days like this. My husband knows how to hurt me and how to make me doubt myself. And it works everytime 🙁

I tried to ring WA a couple of times last monthin the past but never got through and before I knew it u just gave up and retreated into this dark place that is my marriage. I jyst resign to it.

He made it clear that if I leave, I won’t get the children. He knows I’d never leave without them. I feel so trapped.

[AlwaysSorry]

Oh sweetheart, I would start with writing down the abuse, write down what he calls you and how else he hurts you if you can and keep it in a safe place. These aren’t one-time-things he is doing to you. Writing down what he does and talking with your GP about it as well if you can will help create a record of his abuse – and a loving mother such as you wanting to leave with your children to provide for them an abuse-free home is not something your husband can just decide to take away from you.
It’s no wonder you feel trapped, it sounds like he has done a lot to repeatedly put you down and isolate you, but there is help out there. I have seen other ladies talking about calling their local WA directly rather than the 24 hour number as it sometimes can indeed be busy. It is possible to leave a voice mail for them to ring you back though, so I would hope you could try calling them or your local one again. They are lovely women on there, so understanding and can really guide you.
You are not alone. Keep using this forum and please try calling WA again.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi NA, welcome to the forum. It’s scary telling your story but once you start opening up it get easier.will done for taking that first step. 💞 By journaling his behaviour it gives you something visual for when you might be thinking things aren’t so bad. Read back keep adding. Any and all information put into your journal. Mind and inc the date and time if you can and if it was in private or if anyone was around who could act as a witness. These men are bullies, but if you imagine then as a2yr old throwing a temper tantrum and respond as you would to a child, it might help you get through some of his lesser scenes. They will say and do anything to scare you into staying and one common threat is that you will never see the kids again. Best wishes and again well done in taking that first step on the road away from him. 💞💞 IWMB

[freedomtochoose]

There is no doubt that the tasks connected with brining a child up can be very isolating.
And I am blxxdy certain that abusers play on this.

IT is not your fault
well done for posting
ftc
x

[freedomtochoose]

ANd by the way. You keep your children. End of.
That is a threat of his.
You keep your children. You keep your children.
Time to put your emotional boxing gloves on hon. Tough but that is how it is.
well done for posting
ftc
x

[NewAmsterdam]

Wow. Thank you so much for the replies. I had a difficult morning already. He drank last night, which I thought he would, and was in a mood this morning. I try to just get on with it by just focusing on the kid’s, getting them ready etc but it’s like walking in eggshells. I don’t even dare look at him because I’m scared.

I tried to ring national and local WA today but didn’t get through to either 🙁

IWMB – I’m starting a journal today. So many things have happened over the years, I wish I started one sooner.

Ftc – My kids are my world and he knows this. He would do anything to keep them from, I have no doubt. I’m scared of me starting this and loosing them 🙁

Thank you again.

[NewAmsterdam]

Also. What I don’t understand. He clearly hates me, the way he’s treating me. Why won’t he seperate. I would never stop him seeing the kids. I’d love this to be amicable. I really don’t understand.

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