Trying to Find Freedom (Self Intro)

[yuyu]

Hello, my name is yuyu. Nice to meet you all. I hope we can support one another and if I can help out, I will be very glad. My situation is that I want freedom from my controlling and restrictive home. I get criticised for expressing my opinions, it is a fight just to ask for the foods I want to eat sometimes. This is mainly by my mum and my gran (my gran makes fun out of me for my personality and decisions and acts like I am wrong to be different to her). Also the extended family is also full of so many trauamtic moments and bad memories and I just do not want to be with my family anymore.

It will be a long path to finally escape home, do a job I like and cut off my family forever. Until then, I am a bit lost and confused but I hope I can find a way!

[Eggshells]

Hi yuyu

Welcome to the forum andxwell done for reaching out.

It sounds like you are feeling trapped in a very difficult situation.

We’re here to listen if you’d like to say abit more.

[yuyu]

Dear Eggshells,

Thank you very much for your kind message. I appreciate your nice words a lot. Sorry for my late reply.

Well in general it is a very big mess of a situation. Currently I am lessening the damage by not opening up to my mum and gran anymore about my private life. So this means that nowadays the main issues are gran making little digs at me to try to get me to talk to her, such as saying ‘what’s wrong with your hair?’ and my mum gives me the silent treatment if I don’t read her mind the way she wants me to regarding things such as (detail removed by Moderator) and chores. It is a very sad place to live, but I have material goods and some food etc (though mum doesn’t buy me the foodstuffs i like to eat anymore, only her tastes).

But yeah the general gist is that from childhood, my mum has been trying to mould me to be just like her by punishing any behaviours or actions of mine that she does not approve of, and invalidating my feelings. This means that my mum and I only ever used to get along if I behaved in a way she approved of or in the things that she has interest in. And when she classes me as ‘out of line’ the punishments vary a lot. It used to be physical until I was older. But it is more verbal attacks and psychological mind games.

I have had a hard time with my gran since childhood. She either has really low or really high expectations for me, used to slap me a lot whenever I messed up as a kid; and she has exposed me to some horrible boyfriends of hers- one who bullied me as a kid yet she would let him continue, and another who sexually harrassed me yet she actually housed him again (detail removed by Moderator) and refused to believe me at first.

As family reputation is important to mum and gran, neither of them support me if I get in a family incident, such as being ignored for years by my (detail removed by Moderator). They are likely to enable the family member who hurts me in order to save face, and this has happened a lot. So I have to deal with my emotions and battles alone as they will only support me if my situations make sense to THEM. But my personality often is not accepted by either my gran or mum so they are mean to me a lot.

Then the extended family is tough, there is just a lot of various warfare between members and different toxic relationships, however they have now split off into smaller groups so the tension is not as bad as before. When i was younger, I had many uncomfortable interactions with quite a few members so I avoid most of them whenever I can.

If you read my story, thank you. Have a good day.

[yuyu]

It is the kind of family dynamic where children do not have a voice and the older the adult, the more control and obedience is expected from the youngers. So a lot of the young ones have made their own roosts now

[Needtoclarify]

Hi Yuyu

I am sorry to hear you have been struggling so much and I wish only the best for you, I hope you can remove yourself from this situation and find the freedom you seek.

I am so sorry you have had to endure traumatic moments from your extended family. It must be so hard to deal with this given family are meant to be your support.

I think you are very brave and intelligent given you have not been disclosing any information to them. This is giving them less power over your life.

Sadly this sounds like a toxic cycle of family members who have been indoctrinated into the same way of thinking. I am super proud you are breaking the mould and will be the one to remove yourself from this. I imagine you will one day be an amazing mother with your own family who you will not supress, control or devalue. You should be proud of yourself! I am sending courage your way. Be strong, be bold, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Take care x

[yuyu]

Dear Needtoclarify,

Thank you very much for your kind and caring response. I hope so as well. There has been a backlash for me limiting contact, but there is nothing I can do about it. I will do my best to become a good adult like you described and live a better life someday.

All the best to you as well. Thanks again for the support and help.

[Author]

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