Trying to rebuild

[Epona1]

Hi,

I am new trying to rebuild my life after being in a relationship with an abuser.I foolishly thought he was my person and he was so nice in the beginning, said we were destined to be together and would get married, like an idiot I fell for the toxic game.The emotional abuse all started so gradually I didn’t even notice at first.Then came the accusations that I was cheated ( I didn’t), the arguments usually as I was trying to sleep and worse after he had been drinking! Sleep deprivation I realise now is all part of their evil game to break you.Gaslighting, name calling, blame shifting, making me walk on eggshells monitoring my movements.He would call me every day and the first words out of his mouth were ” where are you? Checking my mileage and trying to cross my boundaries, draining my energy, threatening to (detail removed by moderator) I guess another tactic to make him look all powerful and single.He finished with me because I called him out on his behaviour he said  in his big dramatic speech that I would never see him again Silly me didn’t realise I was supposed to chase him I didn’t even though I was devastated and concentrated on healing and going to the gym, I found him on a dating site, the betrayal wound ran deep. (detail removed by moderator) he sent me a text apparently missing me foolishly I believed he was going to apologise for his mean behaviour but no straight into unfounded and untrue accusations of me cheating.Something in me snapped, I told him exactly what I thought of him,that  he was mean, spiteful a pathological liar,lying to me and about me a cheat and I never wanted to see or hear from him again etc.I have been picking up the pieces, but my trust has been completely shattered, I now live with shame and guilt, why did I give this devil an opportunity to come into my life, we were going to get married and he clearly had a mission to use, abuse and destroy me.I now suffer with blaming myself, anxiety, depression, and anger.Is it normal to feel like this?

[fika]

We’re in exactly the same position right now, because of men that are very similar. I’m so sorry you’re going through this – it’s so hard to handle the self-blame after he’s gone, I relate a lot on that too. every time I have a thought that is related to something cruel he’d say about me I try and remind myself that that is HIS thought, and that I am free to have my own thoughts, so what do I choose to believe about myself? It’s one thought at a time, and it’s not always possible, but I’ve found this to help a little.

Considering everything you’ve been through it’s completely normal that you’re feeling like this – that’s also something I’m trying to tell myself, to give myself permission to be patient with my brain as it heals from being twisted around so much. It’s a process <3

[Epona1]

Thank you for your reply. Yes you are right, these are their stupid thoughts not ours, its so hard to stop blaming yourself for giving some idiot to walk into your life and abuse you. Take care.x

[fika]

If they appeared like some abusive idiot we would have stayed away, it’s the mask we fell for, and the mask is very convincing. You’re shouldering blame that isn’t yours, love <3

[Author]

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