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He woke me this morning to ell me that he needed to give notice on his current job (he’s self employed). I tried to say he could be out of work for months/year or more but he said he needs to as causing him mental anguish.
He said that if I had any plans I needed to speak up now. I didn’t say a word. I want to go. He caused me mental anguish. I cry when I think of our relationship. Our young son is starting to speak to me in a disrespectful tone. But I said nothing.
I feel the weight of being the sole earner. He has money so we are okay financially but if he stops working he will look after the kids and I don’t want to risk him getting custody of them if he looks after them during the day. Would it make his claim stronger? I just don’t know what to do. I thought I had a plan but now I don’t know.
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Do not believe a word he says. He senses you are thinking of leaving and is now playing mind games. You will never ever be able to negotiate with an abuser. You need to get out. Can you get in touch with your local women’s aid. They can help you with an exit plan and also support you through this. Mine did the same. Change tactic every five minutes. He knows your weaknesses and he will exploit them X
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..agreed he sounds like he’s throwing in threats re his job to get info from you…like if he makes the decision it’s yours also.
His words & actions are NOT your responsibility.Your safety & your kids safety is your primary concern.
As Kip says speak to lawyers & to Womens Aid for helpful advice…prepare yourself for whatever decision you make for your life…your not dictated to by anyone.Keep safe xC
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Hi HUn
Try to get a plan in place, him leaving his job again is to gain more control, my ex did that too suddenly decided didn’t need to go into work so could just watch me more and control me more, I would say to him no u need to work and u cant cope with the financial aspect on your own , if he has issues with his anger he can get help for that , he doesnt needd to leave work
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I totally agree that he senses your plans and your increased strength. Mine also did this and his nasty controlling ways in the house got much worse. I agreed to go back full-time despite my youngest being very small because I desperately wanted us to have a happy family. Instead we were all trapped with a tyrant in the house 24/7. Then when I finally did manage to leave years later he definitely used this to get more access. Please don’t believe him, instead let this knowledge galvanise you and stay on track with your plans xx
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Tonight he came home and told me that he hadn’t handed in his notice – said it wasn’t right to do that before Christmas. So I am left thinking that he was just trying to get me to divulge what I was doing because he knows something is up (yesterday he’d said he couldn’t be arsed with me anymore and I’d responded with an ‘ok’ – this was because I hadn’t noticed he’d put up Christmas lights(how the Fxxxxxg hell hadn’t I noticed!?)).
There might have been a bit of a coincidence as he has consistently said he hates the work but still it was quite a specific question.
I will contact women’s aid again – I need support on leaving and making sure I don’t go back again.
Thank you for your messages of support – I would never have even considered he was testing me.
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Hi HUn
Yes def try and callthe help line and whenever u r in doubt post on here , we will support u as much as we can , its reallyintresting to get a insight on how these men react from ladies whohave been through it already. when i first joined ladies would say this is what he would do and i’d think oh no he wont do that , but guess wwhat he did. For them it’s all about them, their mnind games are shocking, we dont even realize they are playing with us to that extent, u can do this hun, jusy remain calm and play him at his own game,dont even let him click on u r thinking of leaving, if he says wants to end, just say ok ,
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Robin, as everyone has said…best keep all your plans to yourself,do not tell him a word this is vital even if you really want to!
They watch and listen like no other..& are just picking up on all the signs & signals…Sometimes he would blurt out, ‘oh you don’t normally do that…or that’s unusual for you!’…it let me in, to know that isn’t normal,him hawkeyeying me & my behaviour, his beady eyes ( my nickname for him!!)would miss nothing.
Ring WA get advice, piece your plan together for your new future ahead.Above all Keep safe
C X
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