Undecided on my next actions

[2BFree]

Please could I ask some advice? I haven’t posted here in a while and some no nonsense understanding but not involved opinions is what I really need…
My abuser has started again… he has an undertaking not to contact me, come near my home, or use or threaten violence etc etc. Recently he has breached this. I reported it to the police and despite thier help it’s really a civil matter so far. They offered to help me get a non-mol or write to him outlining the breach and either I can take him back to court or just earn him. however my eldest came back from there and over the weekend w*d talking to me saying that the week before he had been talking to her while she was really upset and begging for me to see if she really wanted to come and live with me with only weekend co tact with him. This is what I have wanted from the time I left and something he has fought me for. Do I let the breach go in the hope not to provoke more abuse and bring up this conversation or do I make a stand and despite it probably making him worse get a letter sent saying I won’t stand for his abuse and if he carries on I will take him back to court for contempt and report harassment to the police. I’m totally unsure of the best option, all I really want is my children living safe with me… and him to leave us alone x

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Get a non mol issued it protect u , this is the only way they keep away, my ex used to make contact me with out of bloom on and off , even if just to abuse me verbally, after leaving him it took me to (detail removed by Moderator) years to get non mol issued and u know what now he cant contact me . not clear on what the child contact is , did u say she lives with u fulltime and u r exploring options for her living with ex on weekends only , and who requsted this

[2BFree]

Unbelievably contact is 50:50… I’ve emailed him today asking if he is open to discussion on this either through a mediator or solicitors. I’m pretty certain I know the answer already though 😕

[KIP.]

Any contact with these men is toxic. I pushed right back every time he breached anything. You can ring Rights for Women who offer free legal advice. Meantime I would keep a journal of absolutely everything he does and what effect it has on your children. Build a case against him for less and less access. He won’t ever be reasonable and even if he pretends to be, it will be just to draw you back into his dysfunctional games. I once read that abusers only want to get close enough to us to slap us again. He wants you to contact him. He wants a reaction from you. Maybe some sort of councelling with your children meantime but i wouldnt involve him in your life. He will soon get fed up having a miserable child under his feet who doesnt want to be there.especially if he cant get a reaction from you. They thrive off us when we are uoset. It makes their day x

[2BFree]

Thank you KIP. It’s such a minefield! I will ring Rights for women, hadn’t thought of them. Thank you!

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