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Where do I begin. I’ve not told a sole. (time frame removed by moderator) years married. I’ve read so much n educated myself and now understand its not me. But am still here. I’ve decided that maybe if I write this, it’s taken me since last summer, them maybe I’ll hold myself accountable. I just want peace it’s like a black cloud that hangs over the house wen they return. The goal post keeps moving i will never be enough. It’s the little things I wfh ft. The anxiety of running round on my breaks making sure all is done. Had problems wen dishes aren’t away bin not put out. This is wen they return from working outside the home. N then the silent treatment could b a day or weeks. I just don’t want to live like this I feel I can’t. We all get ignored shouted at then they can chat away on the phone joking. I feel for my teens the most they no its not right behaviour. I feel I’ve let them down but know that life won’t be easy if and wen we separate. This sounds very minimal its just the surface it really is. Am just exhausted
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Show your teens what a healthy relationship is, you standing up for yourself and leaving will show them that they shouldn’t just take it.. my dad is abusive and my mum never left him, I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, I keep getting in abusive relationships. Break the cycle.. i know how hard that is. Its all about using support to get out, you can’t do it alone, you need lifeboast to get you out of the storm.. and it takes time. Use Womens aid, get a local outreach worker, work with them. Xx
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Thank you so much for your response. Sorry to hear about your dad and experiences. It’s a cycle isn’t it. My dad too treated my mum at times to what I’d now say was abusive. I just don’t want the same for my kids. I know deep down what I need to do. I am going to really try to do it step by step I know I won’t be able to do it fast. I feel so guilty like I am betraying my husband. Its all I’ve ever known. Thank you again. I am going to really use this space. I hope you too find your peace x
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Leaving these men is actually the hardest thing! My sister is helping me, literally having to physically stop me from moving in with a man that has concerning red flags, and that’s why i have been talking to Womens aid, locals DA workers, women on here, my Freedom Program friends.. family, they all tell me what I know is true. But still, I cannot seem to break the bond. I want to see him and miss him!!
My sister says it is very worrying I am not able to see how stressed i am and not listen to my instincts. That i need some serious DA therapy about this. It’s a glitch in my brain and evidence of his control over me that I still need/want to see him. Missing him may just be evidence of the coercive controlling hold he has over me..
It’s scary… but the more we reach out, the better, I don’t even know how i left a long term abusive relationship now, when i struggle to leave a short term one… it really is a leap of faith.
i wish you the best, keep posting and chatting on here, we are all in the same boat xx
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To update on this, I (timeframe removed by Moderator) ended it with my boyfriend! God it took a lot of work, it took a whole day with my brother, 2 hours with my sister.2 long calls to my local DA, 2 chats with WA. alot of googling, journalling.. and I finally sent him the text. What really really helped me do it is my sister telling my the fact that I crave him and want to see him to feel better is a really big sign of the unhealthy attachment. I am in a pattern and I will see a DA specific therapist.
Goodluck xx
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Hi I’ve read your update many times. It really resonates with me how your brain just attaches itself its like a drug. It’s like an addiction. I truly feel where u r comming from. I wonder if we valued ourselves more this wouldn’t happen but then I think my self respect was eroded step by step bit by bit. Without this sounding patronising you’ve done so well sending that text and leaning on your sister n brother. Will continue…
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Think that’s the hardest thing to be honest and admit it to others. I have a small group of friends and all of them are clueless, I’ve kept it that way and painted a picture of happiness. I’d spend an afternoon with them n often come home to problems. More recent times I’ve found myself exploding which is not me. I’d tell him to leave handfuls of times say but it never came about. What I keep taking away though is that it’s doable doesn’t matter the age we are are or situation it’s doable. Keep going. We need to be kind to ourselves and find peace x
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