Urgent advice needed

[Starmoon]

First of all my youngest has been complaining of a bad back since (detail removed by Moderator), but she had her flu vaccine (detail removed by Moderator) so I thought it may be muscle ache from that. She was complaining about her back the night before being due to stay at her dads, So when she went to his I said I was really concerned about her back and could he please let me know if she wasn’t ok as I’d have to take her to a&e (all via emails so I have evidence)He msged me (detail removed by Moderator) saying she was absolutely fine so I figured her back was ok too. Then she came home looking as white as a sheet… his exact words were, (detail removed by Moderator) I said (detail removed by Moderator)
So I had no idea what was going on with her, thinking why is her back and now arm hurting… what’s caused all this. Anyway she was in so much pain and couldn’t move her arm at all… She’s said she’d pulled her arm on her leg (put her arm between her legs and some how pulled it). She then made some comment about how daddy had said ‘it was all in her head’. Anyway I took her to a&e and it was this dislocated elbow thing that they said was really common and sorted it out… when I got back to my mums to collect my eldest, my mum then told me she has said that whilst they’d been in walking in the (detail removed by Moderator), he kept pushing her and she didn’t like it… so I got her elaborate and he pushed her over- to the floor!!!! (detail removed by Moderator) times!!!! After the first time she asked him to stop but he continued… she said she wasn’t laughing and it wasn’t funny- she is mature for her age and doesn’t exaggerate. He’d also done it to the youngest. We all got talking about the whole thing and I said I didn’t fully believe My youngests back had been fine all the time she was with him (he said she’d never mentioned it) as she was still complaining about the pain now… then I remembered how she’s said he’d said ‘it was all in her head’ so I mentioned it and My eldest and she said ‘yes, he said that she was making it all up and there was nothing wrong with her’… so she clearly did complain about her back- he just didn’t tell me. So he’s prevented me from giving my child medical attention by lying to me and saying she was fine, he’s then sent her home with a dislocated elbow and physically pushed my other child over to the ground (detail removed by Moderator) times. I’m fuming about all of it!!!! I don’t think It’s ok. He’s been physically abusive to me in the past but social services previously felt he wasn’t a threat to my children… I want to report all of this because it’s not ok… but who to??

[KIP.]

I’d ring the police. Ask for someone from the domestic abuse unit. They will know who to refer you to but I’d start there a d see if he’s committed a criminal offence. Sounds like an assault to me. At the very least you can have his behaviour logged. I’d also let social services know. Do you have an advocacy worker from women’s aid. If not, ring the national domestic abuse helpline or the NSPCC helpline for advice x

[Watersprite]

Hey – There are red flags here and you are a protective mother. Please speak to social services children and young people services google it they have a 24 hour duty social worker and tell them what you have written here or call police . If you get nowhere GP or NSPCC – I’m sorry and I understand. Trust yourself – keep posting x

[Starmoon]

I did report to the police, they are coming out to talk to me soon. I’m always so torn what to think with him… like I don’t want to make a big deal out of it and If I spoke to him he might say he was only messing around but that’s also what he used to do with me… he was only messing or joking and made me feel like there was something wrong with me for being upset by stuff. I don’t want that for my kids. My eldest phone broke recently and she even said she wished she’d been able to contact me as she would’ve asked to come home. It’s not ok to push someone over numerous times is it?! She said he was tickling her and playing but she’d asked him to stop and he still carried on. He obviously thought it was funny… didn’t mean to upset her but he did! Maybe I’m putting too much of my own feeling into this and I should’ve given him the chance to say sorry?? It’s just that I’d never think it was a fun game to make my kids fall over like that. If ever do unintentionally upset them then I always explain or say sorry. He didn’t do this at all!

[Watersprite]

Starmoon you’ve done the right thing – no doubt at all! Trust yourself trust your kids. Abusers are liars. You are protective – try and be as open as you can with services their job is to protect you and kids. Hard times but you are doing amazing x

[Starmoon]

I’ve had to tell their school about what’s happened because the youngest will tell them anyway.. the police will come and see me and even if nothing is done (which I’m sure it won’t be) I don’t want to send the kids back there. He used to do things to me and make he feel like I was over sensitive or going mad when he said he was ‘only joking’ this is what he’s done to my child… that’s how he’s made her feel… even if he covers up and says he was ‘only playing’ it’s not ok if she’s asked him to stop. I’ve also been prevented from giving my other child the correct care and she’s come home with further injuries… at some point someone is going to flag this up to the social services and then they will side with him- because they always do. They were involved after he assaulted me… but they actually told me it was as his word against mine and they knew I had mental health issues which didn’t help my case… I was only mentally ill because of what he was doing to me… they used to call him and chat to him about everything they’d spoken to me about and he would pretend he was concerned for my mental well being and said the children were at risk staying with me. They said they didn’t think he was a risk to the children!! Because they didn’t believe he was abusive…. so I’ve always tried my hardest to stop child contact going to court- because I know everyone would side with him and couldn’t have that happen- I needed to keep my children safe!! They’ve had minimal contact with him ever since and it’s been hit and miss because he’d cancel last minute every other week… now this has happened and I need to keep them safe but I know that the authorities that are supposed to help keep them safe are utterly corrupt… I’m terrified

[KIP.]

Are you keeping a journal, it’s good evidence. All the missed times he’s supposed to have the kids and how it made them feel. All the contact that they’ve had and how it’s affected them physically as well as mental. Get support from your local women’s aid too. It’s not mental health issues it’s mental health injuries that you have from your abuse. And are trying to prevent the same from happening to your children.

[hop]

My daughter stopped going as soon as she was old enough because of all the things happening in her head. I was bristling reading how he’s behaving because he’s got you second guessing yourself and you shouldn’t be. Always look out for the children and believe them. He’s definitely a liar. I hope the police do something for you 💙

[Starmoon]

Thank you for all of your advice, I’ve been keeping a note of everything.
We only have contact through email but now he’s saying I need to text/call him… especially after my youngest went to hospital. He said I need to keep him in the loop and email isn’t good enough. I did keep him in the loop though. I told him I was taking her to hospital then I emailed him instantly once she was sorted. My mum has his number and he has hers in case of emergency.

[Author]

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