Using adult children

[swanlake]

Urgh. I still have a financial legal thing to sort out with my abuser, who has been telling all kinds of lies to their now adult children.

Now one of the children has contacted me to try to sort it out too since their dad is messing about as per usual.

I feel physically safe but just reminded of sad times and trying to look after myself preparing for a lengthy nasty battle in court.

[swanlake]

An update: I contacted my abuser to remind them of the financial legal thing and just received the same old rubbish in reply as well as false concern for my health. So no progress on the matter to report to the adult children, who it appears could be estranged from their dad and not party to him using them against me.

It still feels horrendous that I’ve contacted him directly after all these years. He doesn’t have my telephone number or address and neither do the children so that feels safer.

Whilst I feel for the adult children I must do what’s right for me and hopefully that will make their lives easier too with the financial legal thing.

I’m probably going to have to represent myself in the legal battle as legal help is so difficult to obtain but I don’t want to see my abuser in person ever again.

[Lisa]

Hi Swanlake,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. That must have been very triggering for you- it sounds like this is all about power and control for him. You are right to set your boundaries around this- its unlikely he has been honest with his adult children and they are only hearing his version of the story.

You know what feels best for you

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Tian]

Hi Swanlake,

 

I am so sorry you are going through this. My situation is similar in many ways. My only consolation may be that my adult kids discarded me so hard that HE can’t use them to get to me without it being very obvious. He had told them all kinds of b******ks which they may or may not believe. Either way they know that if any of them look like they might side with me, not only will he punish them hard, the others will punish them too. So, at least there is a clear line between the two sides. Them on one side, me on the other. Whatever they may actually think, that’s another matter and maybe something I’ll find out later on.

Someone on this forum said something that gave me unexpected hope. They said: their other half was so afraid of truths coming to light that they didn’t fight back much in the end.

Now I’m wondering which is stronger: his desire to hurt me or his fear of letting me tell my story. Time will tell I guess.

Stay strong xx

[Author]

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