Using kids silent no contact

[Mellow]

I’m more or less no contact with children I let him call there phone and don’t answer on mine unless emergency however he still contacts my number with random festive messages and passive aggressive ones I ignore these and then moves into asking how kids are I ignore these as he has their phone number he has now stopped talking to them and stopped making arrangements to see them it’s been a while and I’m upset for my kids the last time he ring he was manipulative and asking how my money was spent for them I don’t know how to explain to my kids they need to know the real him they are only small children

[Lisa]

Hi Mellow,

Sorry to hear this is happening- a lot of abusive men use child contact in this way. I can understand how upsetting this must be for the children. He is choosing not to contact them and make arrangements, you aren’t responsible for his behaviour.

Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Their Family law advice line can advise around domestic abuse; divorce, finances, cohabitation and property in relationship breakdown; parental responsibility and child arrangements; lesbian parenting. They are available on 0207 251 6577 (Tues-Thurs 7-9pm and Fri 12-2pm). They also have a line for women in London on 020 768 1137 (Mon 10am-12pm and 2-4pm, Tues-Weds 2-4pm, Thurs 10am-12pm
and 2-4pm) [translation services available] http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

The Coram Children’s Legal Centre provide free legal resources with advice and information on all aspects of family, child and education law, including relationship breakdown; parental disputes, duties of children’s services; child
protection. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480 (8am-6pm, Mon-Fri): http://childlawadvice.org.uk/

I hope this helps

Best Wishes

Lisa

[older lady]

Hi Mellow

My child saw what he was like – it takes time but they do grow up and work it out for themselves. They know who’s there for them and cares for them. Sometimes the abusive parent likes to be the fun parent dropping in and out expecting a big fuss, and children like that (for a time) but eventually, if/when he lets them down, they’ll see who it is who’s consistently there for them, doing all the seemingly small but totally essential things.

My daughter’s father used to think I owed him an explanation about how I spent money. With the cost of living going through the roof, money doesn’t go very far these days. He never missed an opportunity to put me down in front of my daughter (eventually she thought he was an embarrassment). If you can read, ‘Living with the Dominator’ by Pat Craven. It explains all about ‘the badfather’, so you can anticipate his behaviour and know that it’s all part of a manipulative pattern (as you said) that people know all about. x

[Author]

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