Using legal system to bully me now

[Anonymous]

I posted this elsewhere but might be better here. Anyone else had the above experience? I realise we can’t discuss details here but would find it helpful to private message if anyone else was out there. I’m trying to feel strong when I don’t feel it today.

[freedomtochoose]

Yes I have lovely, unfortunately. I will pick up messages tomorrow as shattered tonight.

It is very common I understand, and awful. Any way I can help will do
all best
and sorry you are having this nasty experience
ftc
x

[KIP.]

Yes, it’s shocking and frightening, ring Rights for Women for legal advice. Keep evidence of everything, texts, emails, document everything. Keep a journal. Get your MP involved. Shout loudly x

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your comments, it helps me feel less alone. I don’t know anyone else going through this.

[KIP.]

They tend to mirror us. My ex was arrested and he tried to have me arrested. He accused me of stealing money and it was himmthat was stealing money. He accused me of cheating and it was actually him that was cheating. Try to get good legal advice from a solicitor recommended by your local women’s aid.

[Poodlepower]

My partner was arrested for assault and when he was interviewed he told the police that he’d been defending himself against me, that’s how I got bruised. The police told br that, and that he wouldn’t accept what had to happen next. I think he thought it was my word against his and he would be able to come back to my home even though I didn’t want him there. Luckily, the police had statement from neighbours who had heard and witnessed abuse and (Detail removed by Moderator) people had rung the station to report seenu him dragging me along the street, chasing me to the car and so on.
I think if I hadn’t reported him, it was only a matter of time before the police would have been to the house anyway.
I think my partner would have been shocked at the amount of evidence against him. He really thought he wouldn’t be found to be at fault and would be able to carry on doing what he wanted to do. He would often sneer at me that I would never be able to get him out of the house, he had “rights” Must have hit him hard when the police told him they’d arrest him again if he came to my house, or even to my village.
So, the police were pretty good and did focus on the victim-me.

However, quite a few years ago I left my husband and father of my child and had (Detail removed by Moderator) years of hell (Detail removed by Moderator). CAFCASS made things difficult for me and took his side, even coaching him on what to say and do in order to get access. (Detail removed by Moderator) I had to do most of the work though, and insist to my solicitor(Detail removed by Moderator) She was often reluctant but we would come out each time with her saying, through gritted teeth, “you were right.”
If I knew then what I know now, I’d have represented myself (Detail removed by Moderator).
The legal system seems to take an “access for fathers at all costs” attitude and I can see that this would play right into the hands of abusive men.

I felt that my husband would have killed my child if he could-certainly shortly after I left him. I was able to stall him long enough to give him time to cool off. I got legal aid and the bill was huge, I’m not sure if it’s still available on that scale. But I fought hard and I kept my child safe.
His abuse was nowhere near as bad as the abuse I suffered in my most recent relationship. If it had been, I’m not sure I would have had the strength to fight (Detail removed by Moderator) the way I did.

[owlbaby]

Kip what you wrote about “they tend to mirror us” makes so much sense. I’ve been getting this and I worry about the ongoing smear campaign against me. I just want to scream “but you are describing yourself!”

[Iwon]

Hi hun so sorry you are going through this. Like you haven’t been thru enough. My experience was very much like kip and poodlepiwer. I won sense my name but it cost me more than was needed because I didn’t know simple things. Like poodlepiwer if I had my time again I would represent myself. (Detail removed by Moderator) If you want to pm me for more specific advice please do. Keep you contact with him to either 2nd or low unemotional contact no matter how much he tried to goad you. If you give him no response he might get bored.

I like kip was accused stealing cheating and being highly abusive. I was terrified of him back then. I was stunned by his rediculous accusations. Like all abusers his expectations that he would get all our assets and I would keep his debt. It never struck him we both had rights a bit like our marriage. It is scary but educate yourself. Get the right advice and you will look back one day at this awful time and maybe not laugh but smile at how silly it all was. Good luck x

[Ayanna]

Yes, I have been through that.
Among other institutions is the family court the ideal playground for these abusive men, because the judges there provide them the platform.
I nearly got arrested over false accusations too.

Stand your ground and fight hard. He will lose.

[Author]

Posts