Violence … can it be a one off?

[PleaseChillout]

My husband suffered a mental health problem after I told him about me txting another man (I only told him recently when drunk, the incident actually occurred years and years ago)

he spiralled out of control. Started taking a lot of cocaine and developed psychosis. I was a victim of the psychosis . (detail of psychosis removed by Moderator)
fast forward : he was getting things together again, he said he had stopped the cocaine , however I was unsure! He started getting bk to work again and was doing well.
we had our first night out recently and he got into an argument . (detail removed by Moderator). On the way home got a bag of coke. Got into the house took it! And by the time I got up in the taxi and knocked the door he looked so full of rage. He wasn’t even going to let me into our house our friends were in the taxi watching.  He did then..

when I got in he got so so mad. (details of physical assault removed by Moderator)! Calling me all the names under the sun. I am bruised.

I can’t believe it. He looked like a monster , his eyes were black! I left and went to my (relative removed by Moderator). He took my phone but I went on without it.

(timeframe removed by Moderator) he couldn’t believe what he had done. He was disgusted with himself , takes accountability, acknowledges it is his problem and decided to go to a NA meeting and book a therapist. I put him out of the house and he’s been out since. However I am so torn he is so adamant he would never do that again and I think because of all his whirlwind of emotions in recent times drink has definitely been a negative influence on him.
Our families are supportive of me. His mum and dad and family members won’t talk to him they’re disgusted. They’re all good people.

is it very naive of me to give him a chance?
I love him so much and our kids do to.
(removed by Moderator)

[PleaseChillout]

Please note: our children have never seen any violence or any type of anything in our home that would affect them.. my husband has always been very sensitive surprisingly over that even when consuming the coke he would’ve stayed at his family members house . He said he doesn’t want them to have mental health problems when older therefore I tried to mask a lot of my feelings infront of them and put on a brave face! Now my hair is falling out .

[Cherries]

Are you CERTAIN that the violence is the only problem here?

I had a violent one…and the violence was the icing on the cake. Meaning there was a lot of other more subtle stuff going on. It’s easier to call violence abuse but in my experience the violence does not exist in a bubble. Conversely it’s possible to be abused without physical stuff at all.

Ultimately nobody can tell us to leave or stay. That has to come from inside. So bearing that in mind get informed about the other forms too…get a real picture of the relationship as best you are able. These things are…muddy, and complicated at best. Even more so when addiction in involved

Be safe x

[PleaseChillout]

I really feel like it has just been a build up of hurt and it was leading to an explosion. He was avoiding his feelings and ignoring it with consuming the coke and it’s came out now. I know everyone says they’re good at saying sorry, but I believe it’s genuine and I have never experienced any situation with this man that I questioned my worth . Once I make my decision it’ll be final for me as I’m not doing the back and forward thing.

[Morocco123]

It’s not the same but I’ve been with my partner for (number removed by Moderator) years and he has mental health issues. We’ve had good times but I’m now seeing that I should probably have left sooner…it’s harder now there are kids etc. Things don’t ever really go away…I’ve repressed a lot of stuff and sometimes it comes up when something happens that’s not relevant. If you stay please read Lundy Bancroft. I wish I had a long time ago. It’s all so muddy now. Good luck with whatever you decide. Xx

[PleaseChillout]

He was really depressed at one stage, there was a massive come down after drug use… seriously he is so normal without substances? It’s really confusing. I’ve looked up different types of abuse and I don’t feel like he does any of them – More so me than him.. Don’t want to be hurt again though and still haven’t decided. Why can life not be simple in a relationship.

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