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I used to love being out in the warm weather, but now I’m glad to be locked in behind closed doors, injuries I have sting like crazy with the sun, as with the bruising, I don’t want anyone to see.
But I had to venture out, as was his (detail removed by Moderator) and I’ve never seen him look so afraid, was a long day, mainly waiting around , but this has made the pain worse, (detail removed by Moderator), and some other stuff , but he asked if he could still see me, and they said yes! Prisons must be full, but been advised to maybe attend relate together ?! ,
Am gladly home now, and pain still bad, but I can cope with pain, but anxious he has escaped punishment AGAIN!, but I know was my fault, but I don’t know anymore, maybe it can work, maybe the fear has made realise how much he’s done?,
As for his friends, not enough evidence so am told, just don’t know anymore…… -
You need to tell the police that you do not want to see him anymore. If you do not tell them that you want absolutely zero contact he will access you again.
You need to be very clear with the information you give.
Can you do a non molestation order? You only need to speak to the NCDV and they help you with getting one. -
This is terrible broken dreams, he should have been sentanced , you had a fractured skull, broken arm, bruises, raped, pregnant, and he came back after his (detail removed by Moderator) and branded you with a cigarette, its so so unjust, I wonder what planet these judges are on, you need to speak to the police or get a non molestation order, he should have been sentanced (detail removed by Moderator) , no doubt about it and so should hid friends. xxxxx
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Hi brokendreams,
Saying you must attend relate with your the person who carried out criminal violent acts towards you is very wrong and is failing you in a big way. The judges have failed you by allowing him free to potentially hurt and injure you again. If the injuries carried out on you had been carried out by a stranger would they still say that you should attend a counsellor together. No the correct and just thing would be a consequence for the person (your abuser) who attacked another person (you).
Next they will be advising the paedophile who sexually abused the child to go babysit the child again and try and work things out between them!
No brokendreams, stay well away from him. Of course he asked if he could still see you, he wants to hurt you again and next time you may not survive, he is a very dangerous man.
Has the sight in your eye come back? How negligent of them to suggest you attend Relate with a man who blinded you in one eye and agreed for him to be allowed speak to you. And there hasn’t been any sight nor sign of any remorse from him for the injuries he has caused you.
He may have escaped punishment and you have no control over that but please brokendreams don’t allow him to have any access to you. Make sure he gets to fully lose the relationship with you. Let him move on and abuse someone else. This he will be reluctant to do because it will take a lot of his time and energy to ‘prime’ a new victim to abuse. He has spent a lot of years priming you into a victim so he won’t want to give you up easily that’s why he asked can he still speak to you.
Remember he is an addict. He is addicted to Power and Control. He gets off on your fear. He gets a high from your terror. He gets his fix from abusing you.
The greatest injury and revenge you can bestow on him is to go ‘No Contact’ with him. Get your revenge for how he damaged you by going No Contact with him.
Keep posting for support and strength. We will carry you through to a life free of abuse that’s waiting for you where you can sit out and enjoy the warm weather with no more injuries because he’ll be out of your life for good.
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Oh my God. What sort of judge would make that recommendation!?
Absolutely not. He absolutely can never see you again. You absolutely cannot go to Relate ever. He absolutely is not going to change.
Jesus Mary Joseph and all the saints above, the next time he most likely will kill you.
Please please start to protect yourself.
The judicial, court system and police system failed to protect me so I went to a refuge and went to a domestic violence counsellor and women’s group to learn to protect myself. And I didn’t have severe injuries!
He is a nasty dangerous piece of work. you are better off without him in your life. Please find the strength, the self belief, the confidence and the self esteem to never see or contact him again and erase him from your life.
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Difficult to say, as with all that’s happened last few days, I no longer have faith in the police or justice system, my neighbour made it clear he didn’t want to be involved, as he slammed the door in my face, IDAS said the ‘ cocoon ‘ service can speak to him ( police), but that’s already been done, and when I screamed my lungs out, nobody came, so obviously neighbour won’t help, my bf is doing really well, and I think he’s right, I need to change, at least he cares, other organisations don’t seem to x*x
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Hi brokendreams,
Glad you posted. I can understand why you feel like you do in relation to the police and the judicial system. You have been let down badly. It is so wrong. And your neighbour once expressed concern to you but now can’t seem to handle it when you badly needed help and asked and screamed for help. You have a right to be angry, to be very angry at your abuser being let off the hook for assaulting you, raping you and getting his friends to rape you. Then you had to deal with the pregnancy as a result of the rape. You have been through so much.
However, your boyfriend doesn’t care about you. You don’t need to change at all. So he’s saying if you changed he wouldn’t have to assault you, fracture your skull. blind you in one eye, rape you and organise for you to be gang-raped. You were like a saint prior to this. Remember you spending the day cleaning so he would be happy despite you having a lot of injuries due to him attacking you. Remember you making his dinner and it was either too hot or too cold. How could you changing stop him attacking you violently just because England lost in the Euros football?
No he doesn’t care about you at all and if he manages to attack you again please call 999 for help. Police officers can vary and some ladies on here have had a similar experience to you with them, however depending on the type of person the police officer is some women have found them understanding and judgemental.
As for the judge, he definitely is out of touch with reality. Not all the judges are like the one you got. You have just been badly unfortunate. You have been let down badly by your parents (not being there for you), the police and the judiciary. But we are here for you and please lean on us for support.
You will get through this brokendreams. You are strong and courageous and you have already survived horrendous abuse. If you can stay No Contact with him, get all your feelings out here with us, you will start to heal and a great life awaits you.
Have hope, it will get better. Keep taking it one day at a time, even one hour at a time.
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Dear Brokendreams,
I have been following your posts and I am very concerned that you are not getting more support and assistance to protect yourself as you would certainly be deemed as high risk and really are at serious risk of further harm. Your disability makes you even more vulnerable.
I am also shocked and dismayed to hear the judge’s recommendation, considering the level of abuse that you have experienced from this man.
You have explained and reported to the Police, extremely serious abuse that has rapidly escalated over a short period of time, which is very alarming. You’ve survived severe violence from him that has caused several injuries including broken bones, burns, and you have been subject to rape and gang rape;
you have been through so much trauma, you really need specialist ongoing support and protection.You mentioned in a previous post that you were expecting IDAS to contact you on Monday; did this happen and if so what did they say and were they able to go to the court to offer you support?
Did the police or hospital staff give you any information about who you can contact within the police or hospital for further support? Or did they do any referrals for you?As the other forum users have said you are able to apply for a non-molestation order which, if in place, would give the police more power to arrest him if he attempts to hurt you again.
You mention you are worried about calling 999, this concerns me as I don’t want you to be deterred from calling the police in future if you are at immediate risk of harm. Because of your history the police should have set up a ‘red flag’ on your phone number and address so that they know to treat the call as urgent and attend quickly. You could also speak to the Police about making your home more secure and perhaps giving you a panic alarm in your home?
Please let us know what’s happening so that we can try to ensure you get the support you deserve.
Kind Regards,
Lisa
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Hi Lisa
I recently received a email from idas to arrange a assessment, am scared of going, as you know I wasn’t denied assistance, until police contacted them, I went to court alone, as was told nobody could attend, the police said they won’t install a panic alarm as they don’t have the funds, and never heard of red flagging my number, but mine isn’t,
I have no support except for here, and all police advised was Samaritans and IDAS, am not suicidal, just angry with not been helped, took a lot for me to tell, and doesn’t seem worth it. -
Hi, the NCDV has nothing to do with the police.
Check out the link. Ring them as soon as you can. You can tell them everything as well. Hun, you need to contact them. They will help you to get a non molestation order.
Whenever you are scared you need to call 999.
Who is your local MP? Do you know their name and email? Find this out and email them everything you have been through, what the judge did and the lack of support you have. Please do that.
You can do these things! Please fight only a little bit! It does not need much!
Just these two things to get help.Take care brave warrior queen!
Keep posting and update us! x*x
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Why do you think he is sorry? What makes you think so?
Are you afraid of being alone and rather take a beating instead of living by yourself? I want to you to be honest with yourself.
There is help for that.
You deserve better and you can have it better.
A man who beats you once will beat you again. He will never stop. -
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Well done brokendreams for contacting the police on his friends. The police really have to deal with his friends, this is ridiculous that they are allowed keep tormenting you after they have gang-raped you. Tell the police all.
Brokendreams, all the abusers say the same thing. Your boyfriend is saying what they all say, that he has changed (in Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘Why does he do that!-Getting inside the head of angry and controlling men’, he says abusers rarely change, Their is a 0.5 per cent chance they will change. Them doing anger management classes is a complete waste of time. Anyway he’s only doing that to avoid sentencing as that’s what the judge recommended instead of a jail sentence (which he should have got).
He’s not sorry. He is so self-centered that he’s just sorry he got caught out and he’s about to lose his punchbag (you).
Brokendreams, he doesn’t think like you. You would be sorry for hurting someone. He as he is a bully, has contempt for you. (My abuser ex-husband has contempt for me too.) He thinks you deserved what you got. He blames you. He probably thinks he’s the victim in all this. He’s not sorry but will say whatever it takes to get back into a cycle of abuse with you.
Please don’t allow him have access to your mind via text etc as he will weaken you.
We are here for you and keep posting your thoughts and feelings. x*x
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Can’t stop crying
Morning ladies hope your all ok, I feel stupid and can’t stop crying, think it’s tiredness though, didn’t get home until early hours, was In A&E for three hours, then SARC for about same time, haven’t had much sleep, and today having to do statement as well as another appointment, but least police are taking me seriously, ( probably because I told them I would complain), plus this time they have evidence, just wish I could stop crying xx
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Big hugs, Brokendreams!
Spending so many hours in A&E on top of all your suffering is indeed a lot to take in.
But you are doing very well.I am so proud of you that you took action!
Now do a good statement and also tell the police that you want to see victim support on a regular basis.
They can help you a lot in the beginning stages after abuse.If you can, speak to Women’s Aid today.
Do you have a Women and Girl’s Network near you? They are connected to Ascend, who support victims like you very well. They listen and they give you a DV worker if needed.
Please google them and check their website.
Hang in there and keep posting.
Stand your ground warrior queen! x*x -
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Aww brokendreams let those tears come out. Of course you’re crying. You have a lot of years of crying to do. We can’t cry when we’re dealing with our abuser, we have to suppress the tears. Today is the day for the ‘crying part’ of your healing. Crying is healing. You have to cry to let the hurt out, to let the pain out, to let the injustice of it all come out that you were let down badly, from the Police ,to the neighbour, to the hospital staff etc, and your parents. So many people not there for you that should have been.
Cry also for the pain of the assaults, the injuries, the loss of eyesight, the bruising, the wounds, the burns, the rape by so many men, and the subsequent pregnancy. You really are amazing to have survived all this. You are going to fly once you start healing.
You are amazing despite having all the above inflicted on you, you are using your voice to ‘make’ the police, the hospital staff, the Domestic Abuse support team protect you (from your abuser) and support you. It is their job to protect you. They are getting paid to do this. You shouldn’t have to insist but unfortunately in your case you do. As the other ladies say, keep fighting. Use your voice to get help and protection (from him and his ‘thug friends’) for you.
Today is a day for just sleeping and crying. That’s all you have to do today. And of course block any attempts to engage with your b/f if he tries to contact you.
We will help you to stand your ground and not to respond to any of his attempts to contact you.x*x
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