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I was asked what was he angry over? I replied I don’t know. The truth is he was angry over everything, & I mean everything. The slightest little thing, even stuff that was crazy to be angry over, He got angry about. I just wanted to be a normal person doing everyday normal things & I couldn’t! Let me explain:- No housework when he was about – hoover & washing machine too noisy, cleaning products made him ill (yet he could use the same ones & he was fine!) everything I said & everything I did that everyone does according to him I was wrong. I couldn’t even breathe without being told my breathing was too loud! The last few years there were awful, I can’t even begin to describe just how awful they were. I consciously or maybe sub consciously was aware of his presence in everything I did 24/7 checking double checking treble checking every single thing just to avoid his anger in the slightest little thing he could moan at. He even did it about things I had no control over, like other people making normal noises, mowing lawns,garden birds singing, He would tell me he didn’t like 2nd hand noise. Even the wind blowing he would go into a rant at me. The fridge, heating too loud! Light bulbs were too bright, cushions & pillows were wrong. I became scared of everything I did, everything I said he would tell me I was wrong. Now I am a (removed by moderator) away yet constantly am scared of doing, saying the wrong things, that’s what his anger has done to me. How do you ever learn to be normal after being scolded for being normal x
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My ex was like that. And I know other people who are like that. They are never happy, with whatever they have got. In fact the more they have, the more they have to complain about!
Such are toxic people.
I’d prefer to be around people who don’t expect others to provide them with everything all the time, who try to make others happy, enjoy giving, are grateful for their life and enjoy simple pleasures.
Remember, everything he said and thought came from their own dark and skewed inner world. You view the world according to your interior state. Normal people see the world totally differently.
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Hi Serenity, I know he saw the world completely differently to me, even when I helped others he would tell me that I never did anything for him, yet I did everything. He would scold me for buying my kids & friends things, for helping his family then say more fool you for doing it.He just got angry over everything x
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Blueberry this all sounds familiar.
Yet when we dare to get angry and it is usually justified, what happens then? They get angry because we are angry and upset. Our anger is too much for them to bear, but theirs is okay, they can flare up, be negative and sulk and do very bad things to hurt us.
I am not sure how I will function normally when and if I eventually do free myself from this (or he decides to actually DO something about his abusiveness)…I seem to be pre-empting things, expecting the worst. I do know that it feels wrong/uncomfortable and I am so irritable and tired.
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Hi Death Angel, fortunately I’m away but suffering terrible aftershocks & I felt like you say irritable, tired, actually totally exhausted, still do by his relentless criticism, like you say if you defend yourself they get worse, the abuse heightens, they take away us completely & totally. Like we are not even entitled to defend ourselves from the onslaught x
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Hi HUn
U will get over this, i rememeber when ileft ex, few months later some one asked me so why did he used to beat u up ? i was the same i dont know , i actually came out ewith a stupid reply and said i think it was cause he had debts, i was so naive, i didnt even realise the person was indirectly asking me did i sleep around, but her question just baffled me and i was like dont know , was thinking dont think theres nothing wrong with me… they really do effect our thinking, its madness. but yes in time u trusst and enjoy you rown company and hte deicsions u make. I can truly say i am so happy now not with ex
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and yes my ex too expected house to be spotless, 3 course meal every day, pamper after him without me movin, did he really think i had a magic wand , lol and dont they just hate bleach smell
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Omg Bleach he used to go mental at! Any household cleaners even furniture Polish he Accused me of trying to poison him! He would also clean a spotlessly clean bath I’d cleaned an hour before with flash!!!!! Now I poisoned him supposedly with it banned from using it yet he could, when he used it, he was OK!!! X
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“Pamper after him without me moving.”
Exactly, Confused! They wanted everything perfect- but got angry if you weren’t focussing attention on them all the time!
My ex never helped me with anything around the house, yet got angry if I was therefore rushing about doing everything myself. It never occurred to him to help, so we could then spend quality time together.
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He used to lay on the sofa the whole time he was at home,like royalty, doing nothing at all. Wouldn’t even do man jobs that were too heavy for me, I truly felt like a slave, when I cleaned when he was out, he’d be nasty & say who have you got coming round or even if there was 2 mugs used, I’d used both, who have you had round, He watched every single thing I did. The house could be spotless he’d still point out things I’d supposedly missed x
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good riddance to them , i remember the first time i had left ex i actually over grilled lamb chops just by 5 min, and started panicking, then i thought chill girl, its only five min, they not burnt and nom one is going to throw the tray accross the room or beat u up , lovely feeling of releif. even now i just love cooking whatever i want for me and kids without doing a three course meal and just sitting on bed or sofa and doing nothing
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Do you blame yourselves ever, I do as I used to love being a home maker, having the house clean, homely & cosy. I remember the first time he came to my home,he said homely it was, that I was just like his mum, how I’d fit in well with her & his sister. Little did I realise back then he also abused his mum & sister, who Pampered to his every whim!! All he ever really saw in me was another tender hearted person who he could abuse & continue his life in total & complete control of as he saw Me a weak woman, someone who was an easy target to abuse in the cruellest way possible x
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Oops! I am the one in our relationship who does not like bleach very much. Still use it occasionally, but my lungs go ballistic when I use really harsh cleaning products.
Anywho…I always joke about the Homer Simpson-esque arse shaped groove in the sofa where he sits like a king or prince for hours and hours on end in front of his laptop screen or mobile telephone. And complains about this that and the other not being done around the house, working himslef up into a frenzy and usually exploding all over me. And there’s me doing most of it daily without a word/complaint and still being called lazy. Man if I could add up the list of things that I do every day that are taken for granted…
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