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I’ve been in an on off relationship for (number removed by Moderator) years, during this time I discovered that hes an alcoholic. He has tried and failed to get sober. Hiding bottles in every place you can imagine. Lying to my face that he hasn’t been drinking even when I find and produce the bottle as evidence.
A number of times I returned home to discovered he’d packed all his belongings and disappeared. Every time we split he makes me all the promises and I fall for them but each cycle gets shorter and shorter.
Hes never let me meet his family, and has built up a story about how evil I am so that they hate me.
He lies all the time. Hes known for giving the silent treatment, however it got to the point where I just began ignoring him towards the end. So he’d use this against me. I think I became very reactive and probably quite toxic myself.
I’d always beg him to stay. To talk. To work it out.
He has been telling his therapists and mental health team that hes a victim of domestic abuse. Hes called me a n********t. Hes called me a c**** in arguments. Hes attempted suicide (number removed by Moderator) times.
Recently he made comments hinting at ending his life during a fight. So I locked the doors and said he needed to stay put so I knew he was safe. So he called the police on me. I only did it to protect him yet I was made into the bad guy.
(timeframe removed by Moderator) ago we had a falling out and then later in the day I discovered him asleep drunk on the (location removed by Moderator). So I told him to get out. He packed a small case and left but returned shortly after spouting c**p about how awful one of my teenagers are. Apparently he’d bumped into him while leaving. My son came home and said (quote removed by Moderator). My son was really angry and upset. So he left again, but then forcibly pushed his way back into the house. Went into my sons room and smashed up his (item removed by Moderator).
I haven’t reported it, as im scared of the backlash. Hes gone and I haven’t heard from him. I text him (timeframe removed by Moderator) saying he needs to arrange to collect the rest of his belongings.
I am so scared of ending up back in the cycle. I’ve tried to use the online chat a dozen times, but I never get to the front of the queue before it kicks me out. I feel scared, I feel sad, I feel anxious.
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Hiya. I drove myself mad trying to decide if it was abuse or not.
A better question might be ‘Is this ok?’
The answer to that, is MUCH clearer.
Alcoholics are not well people…but however much you want to help him its his job to get sober, not yours to make him. He’s doing some pretty awful stuff to you, you know.
He’s gone and you don’t want to end up back in the cycle. Easier said than done, I know. But. Things to consider
What good does he bring? ESPECIALLY to your children. What kind of role model to your sons ..what is he teaching them?
If this situation was one of your children instead of you, would you be horrified and want them to get out? Often we want better for our kids than ourselves. But we should want this for ourselves too.
If you want it to stop, you have to stop it. He is not going to I think.
Professionals will likely be able to spot his tricks a mile off. I wonder if he can even keep his story straight if he’s alcoholic.
If you can’t get womens aid have you tried your local council? Mine has a DA hub and they’ve been great. I feel it won’t hurt to get their perspective on things. To my surprise I ended up medium risk and helped with getting out, when I expected not to be believed at all.
Its hard to do this alone. Speaking to people trained in this helped me get my thoughts straight x
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Hi,
Thank you so much for your reply.
No what hes been doing is not okay, and escalating it to making up lies to the police to get me in trouble is awful.
Im in the queue for the womens aid support line now, think I really need some advise. He has gone and he took his stuff (timeframe removed by Moderator).
He turned up (number removed by Moderator) hours later than agreed and thankfully I had a friend with me. He actually has a (injury removed by Moderator), so hes done that to himself to pretend that it was me. Im terrified of what’s going to happen next.
If they don’t believe me and believe him I could literally lose my job as I work in a (workplace removed by Moderator).
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