waves of emotions

[terribleheadspace]

I had absolute tears today, really the first time in a while I showed raw emotion.
Through reaching out though I was able to get some support.
I just dont know how I am going to navigate my emotions when I keep stuffing them down, just every now and again they bubble to the surface and it’s again like I am two people, the person trying to power through and someone broken.
I’m worried about how much I am trying to ignore the very vulnerable broken side of myself. I need to address it to begin to heal but dont know why I cant. It feels like a safety mechanism, push it to the side, it doesnt exist… but when it comes on it’s like a flood.

It’s like…. imagine a huge tank of water 1 part of me is sitting at the bottom of a full tank screaming for help, the water its over flowing just constantly filling the tank, then another me is sitting on the edge of the tank looking away into the distance with a bucket and every now and again the part of me with the bucket can hear the screams through the water and goes down, chucks out a few buckets full of water out before saying nope, cant breathe too much, so leaves, sits on the edge again, looks at the horizon but is stuck there until I can free the other part of myself.

I know that will probably sound really strange, the only way I can describe how I feel at the moment.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Terribleheadspace, what you describe makes sense, it can feel like you are drowning in your own emotions as they’re so strong… as painful as this is it does lessen, your feelings will subside… give yourself time to feel into your emotions and work through them… I am over a year out now and it took me some months for my feelings to lessen.
Keep posting ❤️

[Footballfan1]

Hi Terribleheadspace,

You make sense and it’s normal to feel this way.

Take your time to process your feelings, don’t rush it.

I went through a cycle of emotions, and I still am going through the same cycle months after relationship ended.

First I felt numb and in shock.
Then I felt guilt, for my ex losing his home and family, I kept wondering if I did the right thing ending it, was I making it out to be worse abuse than it was.
Then the full on bereavement grief came, I felt like someone close to me had died.
I was sobbing and crying uncontrollably.
This would come on suddenly without warning.
I mourned the good times, when he was kind to me and our kids.

Then the anger came.
Now I’ve cycled back through to the guilt stage, because it’s Christmas and he will be alone this year.

[StrongLife]

Yes your feelings will change over time.

Counselling has been good with an experienced counsellor and groups as well.

[Author]

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