Wedding Days

[Serenity]

Something Woman In Need wrote made me reflect upon my own wedding day (s).

I had two: one the legal bit, to allow him access into this country, and one at a church my organising).

The first was horrible. I was wearing a skirt with his cigarette hole burnt into it. I had no other clothes. He did his duty and took me to a mediocre restaurant, then made fun of our wedding night by larking about disrespectfully.

Like the whole thing was a joke.

The church thing was as bad. I organised everything. Then he rejected me at night time- just to hurt me.

Woman in Need: don’t do it. Abusers don’t see marriage as a commitment to caring and sharing. They see it as a vehicle for control and abuse.

[KIP.]

I have happy memories of my wedding day which I don’t know if it makes things worse or not. His mask was still firmly in place. Maybe that was for show, or maybe he was truely happy that he had caught me. What I do know is that once the ring was on my finger, the man I married slowly dissapeared. The time before you marry is supposed to be the happiest. Before all the stresses of mortgages and family etc. If it’s gone bad before you marry, it’s only going to get a thousand times worse after. Then there’s the tangle of the legal system to deal with.

[Serenity]

They are such evil human beings.

[Healthyarchive]

For me it was the emotional, moral and legally binding (in my mind) commitment that I had made, a commitment for life no matter what. This belief that I had made it impossible to just walk away. I would never get married again unless I were 1000% certain about every minute little aspect of the relationship, marriage for me was hard core heavy duty due to the moral unseen mental tie. I am praying that Women In Need finds the courage to just walk away now.

[SaharaD]

My Wedding day was quite good. Not perfect but good. I was surrounded by friends and family and everything and everyone looked beautiful. The food was excellent and our wedding night went as good as expected. Everyone seemed mostly happy and I have this amazing photo with all of my family members. Some of whom have passed away now. I had absolutely no doubts or fears about getting married. If I had I wouldn’t have done it.

There were some difficulties and some red flags but to be honest I put it down to the stresses of a wedding. There was never a cross word between us two weeks before the wedding and for the 10 days of honeymoon.It was only in the months after the wedding that my husband tried to dominate me and became unsupportive and cruel and even more controlling.

I’m never getting married again. The thought of giving myself to another man again to wholly and fully makes me sick. Never mind from my religious point of view, I shouldn’t marry again. Not to mention the expense! I’ve rather pay a mortgage!

I have no idea how celebrities do it- not the expense but the pain and suffering and the previous failed marriages and devastated children, adopted children and stepchildren hanging over your head.

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Hi there ladies. My experience was different my hole family were unhappy during the entire wedding you could see the strain on their faces. When I’ve looked at pictures of him on our wedding day he looks like an arrogant idiot who doesn’t even respect the role my dad played. His family all look like a bunch of an issue and certainly behaved in that way. EVERYONE saw how they were not right. Also, there is a picture of me going to my in laws and my goodness my face looks like I’ve made a terrible mistake I look so dazed and confused!!! Then when I look at the photos of me all ready my eyes look sad. I’m staring into thin air and I have no emotion it’s like I knew I was making a mistake but just didn’t realise how big it was. I will be marrying again because I believe I was a good wife, a good daughter in law, sister in law. I have a beautiful heart and soul and there were would be many men out there who would want to commit their lives to making me happy. I won’t be spending a huge amount of money on my wedding again or allowing my parents to pay that kind of money again. But, as much as I want to love someone I believe there is someone out there who wants to love me. I believe in my culture of the sanctity of marriage and my husband didn’t respect or treasure it. I will be getting married again because I respected what it stood for so why should I remain single? No chance I’ll get what I deserve I’ll make sure of that and Sahara you should too. You are now wiser to know exactly what you want and I totally get what you say about celebs. My second marriage will be the right choice because I’ve learnt a heck of a lot from the first. Divorce is not frowned upon as it was many years ago. Unfortunately, there are many self centered people out there who don’t put anything into the marriage box but they expect it to be full whenever they want to take something out. You will be happy again you shouldn’t let him shape your future xxxx

[SaharaD]

Nope I think I’m better off alone plus with the BPD I’m not the easiest person to live with. I snore and sleep better alone. lol!

[Positiveandlookingahead]

Lol you make me laugh lol never say never don’t let him ruin your happy ending but most importantly do what’s best for you. X*x what’s bpd?

[SaharaD]

BPD is borderline personality disorder. Makes for erratic and irrational behaviours. Mood swings, paranoia, etc. Days that feel like wading through mud. problems holding down a full time job etc.

[KIP.]

The most important thing is that we are free to make our own decisions. Even if they are a mistake. It’s our mistake. Freedom tastes great ❤️

[Serenity]

It does, KIP.

Ironically, my ex husband initially comes across as a free spirit, but he is the most controlling, despotic, suffocating person I’ve ever met.

You’re right: we are free to live our own life, make our own mistakes, without those nasty bullies breathing down our necks. x*x

X*x

[Healthyarchive]

…..& gain in personal power and strength, managing the day to day trials & tribulations using our own personal resources. I’m having a lovely Saturday on my own and free. X*X (just about to have a lovely bubble bath then settle down to watch a film, its bliss)

[Ayanna]

I hate my wedding day. The ex abuser refused to wait until we had more money for a nice wedding. We had a cheap marriage and celebrated with his low class friends, most of whom I did not even know, in an all you can eat buffet restaurant. Disgusting.
Wth made me agree to that?????

[Serenity]

What an idiot.

Here’s to your future, Kitty x

[Jupiter]

Hi

Im glad im not the only one to have been unhappy on my wedding day.My mother who was very domineering and paid for it all so I felt I couldnt back out-felt like a fraud acting the smiling happy bride etc thinking he was all id ever get!No abuse showed then of course. Today Im alone but better off this way.
Jupiter

[Robin]

My mother in law told me not to marry her son on the evening of our wedding!! Should have asked more questions…they havke a very dysfunctional family and now I do too😞

[Author]

Posts